A Perfect Day
by mamapranayama
Summary: Merlin sees that Arthur needs an escape from the pressures of being the prince, but when a lovely day off with Gwen turns into a nightmare, secrets and lies are exposed and an epic friendship is put to its greatest test. Set season 3 just before 'The Changeling'. Reveal fic , hurt/comfort, a ton of angst, and bromance (no slash). Some Arthur/Gwen, but no more than canon. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own 'Merlin' or the BBC, so none of these characters are mine. However, I do own a 2005 Kia Sedona with a faulty transmission that I can offer in trade for them. What's that, BBC? You don't want my crappy minivan? Oh well ... your loss._

**_A/N: _**_ Seeing as how I am the classic poster-child for Adult ADD, I have a ton of unfinished stories I should be working on, but when I was hit by the idea for this fic, I pushed everything to the back-burner so I could work on this instead. It was originally going to be a one-shot, but it just kept growing and growing until before I knew it, it was 25,000 words long. Thankfully, it's already completed, and I feel quite accomplished since up until now, I had yet to finish a Merlin fic. I'm still editing the story however, so I'll probably post a chapter every day or two (depending on how busy I get)._

_Anyhoo ... this story is a reveal fic set just before "The Changeling" and is heavy in H/C, angst and bromance, but no slash. There is a little Het between Arthur/Gwen, but not much more than cannon. _

_I'd love to hear what you think of this, whether it's good or bad. _

**The Perfect Day**

**Chapter 1**

"Up and at 'em!" A far too cheery voice demanded.

The sound of curtains being pulled open filled the air and the room was flooded with bright light. It hit Arthur's sleeping head, piercing through his closed eyelids and he groaned miserably. He buried his face further into his pillow to avoid it, but the damage had already been done and his head pounded mercilessly in response to the stabbing sunbeams.

"G'way, Merlin!" Arthur moaned back defiantly. Rolling onto his stomach petulantly, he took his pillow and hid his head underneath it. Why did it seem that his manservant only showed up early on the days those day when he desperately needed to sleep in?

"C'mon, Arthur," his servant coaxed, tossing open another set of curtains, "the sun is shining, the birds are singing … it's going to be a brilliant day."

It seemed that Merlin was bound and determined to annoy him awake, so Arthur rolled onto his back again and tossed his pillow at his irritating servant before flinging an arm over his eyes.

"Shut up." he ordered.

Of course, Merlin ignored him as always and began to prattle incessantly. "MMMMM … smell that? I have breakfast for you … some nice greasy sausages, a pile of eggs and cheese … there's even some bacon fresh from the pig. I know how much you _love_ the smell of bacon."

Arthur removed his arm so he could glare at Merlin, whose eyes twinkled with amusement. He really wasn't in the mood for any teasing as his head hurt and the plate of food Merlin had oh so thoughtfully brought to his room, gave off an aroma that turned his stomach.

"What's the matter? Not hungry?"

Arthur didn't answer; he just continued to shoot daggers at his servant with his eyes.

"Oh that's right ..." Merlin continued, snapping his fingers, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he bustled about the room, picking up discarded clothes and tidying up. "You might not remember this, but last night there was this certain prince who decided to ignore his far wiser and more sober servant when he suggested that the first five goblets of wine the prince had during the banquet was plenty to make him happy but not too happy, if you know what I mean. But noooo … this prince just had to keep ordering his servant to keep pouring glass after glass -"

"_Mer_lin –" Arthur interrupted, rolling until his feet were over the edge of the bed.

"He lost count after ten refills –"

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted, causing the nails being pounded into his skull to be driven in deeper. Elbows on his knees, Arthur dropped his pain-filled head into his hands, "Just go away!"

Merlin stopped and pulled an entirely faked expression of hurt as he pulled something from his pocket that looked an awful lot like a vial, "Alright. I know when I'm not wanted. I guess I'll just go back and take this supposed miracle hangover cure that Gaius prepared with me since you clearly don't need my help -–"

In one swift movement, Arthur pushed his way to his feet, snatched the potion from the lanky boy's hand, and downed it all in one gulp. The taste was something between a sweaty sock and pond scum, but Arthur somehow managed to keep it down with only a grimace. Gaius' potions were almost always vile, but they usually worked and given the current state of his head and stomach, he'd drink just about anything to make his hangover go away.

"You're welcome." Merlin smirked, as Arthur tossed him the empty potion bottle. "I guess this means you want me to stay?"

Arthur just grunted and pushed past Merlin towards the wash basin, splashing his face several times with the cold water. The effect of the water combined with whatever it was that Gaius put in that potion seemed to clear his head a little, even if the headache remained as a throbbing reminder of the previous night's over-indulgence.

After he dried off his face, Arthur dragged his heavy legs back to the bed and plopped down as he waited for Merlin to gather some clothes for him to wear that day. Once again, his head ended up cradled in his hands and he moaned, "I'm never touching wine again."

"_Riiiight,_" Merlin snorted as he draped Arthur's clothes over the top of the dressing screen.

"I mean it. I wouldn't have had so much to drink if I hadn't been so ... so ..."

"Bored?" Merlin finished for him.

"Yes … Gods yes." Arthur agreed. "As if having to listen to Lord Cadwallon drone on and on about the sheep husbandry practices on his estates wasn't bad enough, I also had to deal with his daughter."

Merlin smiled cheekily as he offered a hand to help Arthur up from bed. "Ah yes … the fair Lady Catrin."

"She's hardly what I would call 'fair'." Arthur grumbled, then waved his servant off to get up under his own power.

"'Beguiling' then?" Merlin suggested as the prince ducked behind the dressing screen. "Or perhaps 'bewitching' is a better way to describe her?"

Arthur snorted a little, "She certainly was creepy enough to be a witch."

"Oh c'mon … she wasn't_ that_ bad."

Arthur peeked his head around the screen so Merlin could see his dramatic eye-roll and 'are-you-kidding-me?-face'. "She was staring at me all night long. It was …" he shuddered, "disturbing."

Merlin chuckled, "She wasn't staring at you Arthur. She has a lazy eye, she can't help it."

"Well, that one eye was trained on _me_ the entire time." The prince argued as he ducked back behind the screen and pulled on his shirt.

"I think I know what's really bugging you," Merlin began without teasing; "It's about Gwen, isn't it?"

"What?" Arthur stepped from the screen, annoyed that Merlin was right on the nose. He really hated when his servant did that.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

Arthur didn't respond, instead he walked over to his desk and sat, dejected. It had become painfully clear that Uther was looking to see his son married off soon. After all, an heir to the Pendragon family was on the line and in the past few months no less than four eligible girls of the appropriate age and status in nobility had come to visit Camelot.

But Arthur wasn't interested in any of them - Guinevere had already stolen his heart. But her position as a servant was an impenetrable barrier to their ever being together and marriage was something he could only dream about with her. Uther would certainly have a fit if he ever found out how he truly felt about the maid and Arthur had to be careful to hide his feelings.

One day, Arthur would be king and could change the laws about who he would be allowed to marry, but for now, Uther's word was law. His father expected many things from his son, and one of those things was marrying a woman he deemed appropriate. Luckily, Uther hadn't seen much in the girls that had come to visit either and so far, and Arthur had managed to dodge any potential matches. But he knew it was only a matter of time before Uther found a girl he approved of to marry Arthur. He could only hope that she wouldn't be a complete troll.

Arthur didn't know what to do. It would most likely be many years before he became king and in the meantime, he was expected to follow the wishes of his father, even if that meant marrying a woman he did not love, or even like. While Guinevere and Arthur both knew marriage for them would most likely never come to pass, the reality of any impending nuptials between Arthur and someone else was crushing and heartbreaking and the prince didn't even want to think about the day he would have to let her go.

Tangled in his thoughts, Arthur was jolted back into reality when Merlin plopped his boots into his lap. "You know what you need, Arthur?"

"A respectful servant?"

Merlin didn't miss a beat. "No,_ sire_ … what you need is a day off – a chance to get outside the walls of the castle and exercise your horse and perhaps do a little … I dunno ... _hunting?_" He suggested with a wink, emphasizing the last word.

Arthur shook his head, a little confused. Merlin never suggested that he go hunting; he hated the sport. "_You_ want me to go hunting?"

"Yes, you need to go _hunting_, Arthur." Merlin waggled his eyebrows as if the prince should know what he was getting at. Arthur gave his servant a blank stare.

Merlin sighed heavily, "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"What are you talking about?" Arthur's hangover didn't help clearing up his confusion.

"I ran into Gwen this morning. Apparently Morgana has been tasked with entertaining the lady Catrin, so she gave Gwen the day off. She told me she was going out to pick flowers, so if we just _happened_ to run into her while you are '_hunting_'..."

Arthur let that sink in, "Ahhhh. You know what? Hunting does sound like a good idea."

**OoOoOoO**

Merlin rode alongside Arthur, happy that the prince seemed to be recovered fully from his hangover and in much better spirits than when he first awoke. And seeing Arthur's face brighten as soon as they left the walls of the city only served to strengthen Merlin's belief that the prince had been under far too much pressure lately. He'd always had to live up to his father's expectations, but it seemed like he was suffocating under the weight of his responsibilities since the king began his none-to-subtle search for a girl worthy (in his opinion) of his son's hand in marriage.

But today would be different - a perfect day where Arthur didn't need to be pressured into doing anything he didn't want to do. And he needed this – this little rebellion. If he was ever to become the kind he was destined to become, he would have to start making his own decisions, especially those regarding his own life and happiness instead of just blindly following the lead of his father. And one of the most important decisions Arthur would have to make would be over whom he should be allowed to love, whether they were of equal status or not.

Besides, it just felt right. Arthur and Gwen were simply made for each other and he wanted his friends to be happy; that alone was enough for Merlin to set up this little rendezvous – to give them a little chance at happiness, at least for one day.

Merlin often joined Gwen on her trips into the fields and forests outside the city when he needed to find herbs for Gaius. Knowing how much Gwen enjoyed the smell and beauty of the lilac bushes that had just started to bloom, Merlin had more than just a hunch where to find her. After telling him where she might be, Arthur allowed Merlin to pull ahead and take the lead and soon they were approaching her favorite spot in a large clearing beside a slow moving stream. Sure enough, before he could even see her, he could hear her humming to herself as she sought out the best blossoms.

Stopping, Merlin turned to Arthur, and almost burst out in laughter. Looking towards Gwen with an almost comical, rapturous smile, Arthur looked more like a love-struck puppy than the crowned prince of Camelot.

Gwen had her back turned to them, but the moment Arthur's horse snorted, she turned around in surprise with a little yelp. "Arthur! Merlin! What … what are you doing here?"

Merlin chuckled as the prince stuttered, "Uh , well … I was just hunting ... and we must have taken a wrong turn and well ... here we are," he explained rather lamely. "But I'm glad we ran into you." It was hard, but Merlin managed to hold back a witty observation about how the brave prince could be turned into a puddle of nerves whenever he was around Gwen.

Gwen smiled shyly. "Catch anything?" she asked.

"Just you." Arthur replied.

Merlin tried not to roll his eyes at Arthur's cheesy response, but the words seemed to have an instantaneous effect on Gwen and she smiled brightly.

"Perhaps, if you're not too busy hunting that is, you'd care to join me." Gwen boldly offered. She wasn't usually so straightforward with her words, but in the last few months she and Arthur had become more than just prince and servant to each other and her tongue rarely tied when she was around him anymore.

"I think that would be a lovely idea." Arthur replied, beaming.

Merlin watched as Arthur got down from his horse and walked up to Gwen, extending an arm for her to take. Pretty soon, Arthur and Gwen had all but forgotten that Merlin was even there and took off on their own, walking at a leisurely pace through the woods to the bank of the stream.

In the meantime, Merlin got down from his saddle, took hold of the reins of both horses, and then walked them over to the brook to let them drink and refill his waterskin. Downstream from him, Gwen and Arthur sat close together, the young woman dipping her toes into the water. The warlock grinned to himself hearing Gwen laughing at Arthur as he fumbled, trying to get his own boots off so he could do the same.

Merlin reveled in the easy smiles on both of their faces. This had definitely been a good idea, he thought, mentally patting himself on the back.

It was then that the warlock felt an alarming tingle race up and down his spine and his smile fell. Senses on alert, he couldn't shake the feeling that they were being watched and that danger was near. Merlin scanned the woods surrounding them, peering deep into the trees, but he could see nothing. He gathered his magic, certain that Arthur and Gwen were too distracted to notice, and allowed his power to flow, his eyes burning bright gold as he searched deeper into the forest than his normal vision would allow.

And there they were. Three men, desperate and hungry looking sat in the cover of the bushes on the other side of the stream. They all wore rags and their skin looked as if it hadn't been introduced to water in weeks. The largest of the men might have been their leader, but all three appeared to be arguing silently amongst themselves with jerky hand gestures and shaking heads. That was most likely why they hadn't yet attacked; they had no organization or strategy.

They didn't look much like bandits, but Merlin knew that times were desperate in many villages. Floods from the previous summer had destroyed many crops near the border between Camelot and Caerleon. While both sides had suffered losses, Camelot had weathered the storms slightly better and none of its citizens had starved. But across the border, it was a different story. Many were desperate for food there and starvation forced many to cross into Camelot to find it, or steal it in some cases. Such times often drove otherwise honorable men to resort to banditry and they trespassed further and further into Camelot just to feed themselves. Merlin wouldn't be surprised it that were the case with these guys given how raggedy and thin they looked.

He looked over at Gwen and Arthur; they were oblivious to the men in the woods. He hated for anything to disrupt their time together, so Merlin hatched a quick plan to take care of men before they would even notice that he was gone.

It would be easy.

He may not have been armed with steel, and there may have been three of them, but Merlin was fairly confident that he could handle the lot. Of the weapons he could make out, he could see that at least one of them had a sword, but even that looked like it had seen better days. As for the others, they may have been armed, but probably with nothing bigger than a knife and Merlin could easily disarm them with his magic. With any luck, no one would get hurt and he could probably send them packing without revealing himself to them or Gwen and Arthur seeing what he was doing.

With determination, the young man set his plan into motion. Tugging at the reins of the horses, he calmly led them both from the water and tied them to a nearby tree. He then pulled out his water-skin and went back to the stream, kneeling down as if to fill it. Keeping his head down, but his eyes trained across the stream, he focused his magic on the sword in the largest man's hand.

"**_Fleoge seax forþ." _**Merlin whispered, his eyes flaming to gold.

At once, the man's sword began to lift into the air, along with the his hand. The bandit pulled desperately at the hilt, but Merlin's power was far too strong for him and his tugging only led to him falling backwards into his companions. Tangled together, all three men watched silently with mouths agape and growing dread as the sword floated up and then stopped in mid-air. Merlin mentally willed the sword to change its angle from vertical to horizontal and pointed it at the men. At the same time he repeated the first spell and lifted the knives from the hands of the other two men and soon there were three blades trained on the bandits.

Merlin hoped that the men would get the picture and make a run for it, but the morons just sat their trembling, clinging to each other. Rolling his eyes, the young warlock raised the height of the blades so they were just above the heads of the men the whispered, "**_Fleoge!"_**

Driven by a burst of power from Merlin's spell, the blades flew close enough over the top of their heads to blow their hair back and then buried themselves all the way to their hilts into the trunk of the tree behind them.

That seemed to do the trick.

With a three simultaneous yelps, the men jumped to their feet and started running, tearing through the woods until Merlin could see them no more.

The secret warlock hardly had time to snicker to himself before the noise the men made as they fled alerted Arthur. The young prince was instantly on his feet and had his sword out, protecting Gwen as he shielded her with his body. "What was that?" he shouted at Merlin.

Jumping to his feet, Merlin feigned surprise, but tried to downplay the commotion."I dunno. I think it was just a just bunch of birds taking off."

"Those were no birds, idiot!" Arthur yelled back."Stay with Guinevere!"

Merlin rushed over to Gwen just as Arthur started sprinting into the woods.

"Arthur!" Merlin and Gwen shouted after the prince at the same time.

Dammit … this was not how he imagined things playing out.

**OoOoOoOo**

Arthur wasn't going to let them get away with this. It was quite possible the noises he heard could have been robbers or assassins, but they took off in such a hurry and without a fight, that he started to believe that they might have been nothing more than kids hiding in the bushes trying to get a peek at Gwen as she waded in the water.

Hell … he'd done worse as a boy, but that wasn't going to excuse their behavior and if he caught them, he was going to teach them a lesson about snooping that they would never forget.

Luck however, was not on his side and by the time he made it across the brook, through the bushes, and into the woods to give chase, there was no sign of them. Arthur finally came to a stop, panting harshly from the exertion of the chase. Damn, they were fast runners.

Miffed that he hadn't caught the brats, Arthur let his anger out by taking a swing at a tree trunk with his sword.

"Ah I see you caught a tree, Arthur. Nice job!" The prince whirled as his sarcastic servant stumbled out of the bushes.

"_Mer_lin! You're supposed to be staying with Guinevere."

"I did. She's –"

"Right here, Arthur." Gwen finished, coming out of the bushes.

Arthur was one part relieved and one part angry that the two of them ignored his order to stay behind, but then again, he was the only one with a sword and he had been the one to take off to leave his friends defenseless. Guilt overcame him, but as it seemed that no harm was done, he tried to let it go.

"Well … it seems that whoever was there has run off," Gwen pointed out. "Why don't we go back?"

"Alright," Arthur readily agreed. It was rather pointless standing around and wallowing in his failure to catch a few miscreants when he'd much rather spend the rest of his afternoon with Guinevere. Arthur held out his elbow so Gwen could take his arm and began to lead her out of the woods while Merlin lagged behind them, muttering to himself as he caught his sleeve on a thorny bush and he became hopelessly ensnared.

"Need some help getting free from the big bad bush, Merlin?" Arthur teased while Gwen giggled.

Merlin grinned lopsidedly, "No, no … I've got it. No need for another poor plant to fall victim to your sword. Just …" Merlin tugged on his sleeve, perilously close to ripping his shirt, "just go on without me … save yourselves!" he joked.

Gwen's musical laughter filled the woods and Arthur felt lighter than he had in ages. He shook his head at Merlin's idiocy, leaving the dark haired boy to get himself out of his mess. The prince then led Gwen back towards the stream with an easy smile on his face.

So far it had been a lovely day and for once, though Arthur would rather chop off his arm than admit it, one of Merlin's ideas had turned out to be rather brilliant. This was just the sort of thing he needed to get his mind off of things and if it hadn't been for Merlin, he might never have had this opportunity to enjoy Gwen's company. He'd have to remind himself to thank his servant one of these days – sometimes he wasn't a complete buffoon.

Arthur stopped just at the edge of the small stream and on a sudden impulse, he swooped Gwen into his arms bridal style.

She gave a yelp in surprise, beaming, "Arthur! What are you doing?"

"Helping you across, of course. Wouldn't want you to get your dress wet."

"I'm afraid it's too late for that." She smiled, looking down at the sodden hem of her dress. Golden rays of sunlight highlighted her curls and when she lifted her face, it was only inches from his, her body warm in his hands. It was the perfect moment and he had never before felt such a need to kiss her.

He leaned in to do just that when they were interrupted by a clamor of snapping tree limbs and a series of grunts coming from the woods behind them.

"_Merlin_ …" He groaned, closing his eyes and feeling all of the gratitude he had previously thought of expressing towards his servant disappear in an instant.

"You'd better go help him." She nodded towards the ever increasing noise.

Arthur reluctantly set her feet back down on the ground, "I'll be right back – I have a servant to go kill."

**OoOoOoOoO**

As Gwen and Arthur slipped out of view, Merlin tried again to free his sleeve from the thorn bush and cursed as one of them scraped across his skin and drew a little blood. Why him? He thought to himself once again. How did he always manage to get himself into these sorts of pickles? No wonder Arthur thought he was an idiot.

He was supposed to be some kind of powerful warlock, yet a simple thorny bush had trapped him soundly. But Gwen and Arthur weren't around, so what harm would there be in using a little magic to get himself free? Better than than destroying his clothes or scratching himself into ribbons.

Merlin shifted his gaze to the thorns embedded in his sleeve and let his magic flow through him and into the bush. He didn't need a spell for such a simple task and immediately the thorns worked themselves out and pulled free from the fabric without loosening another stitch.

Smirking with satisfaction, Merlin laughed at the bush, "Ha! Think you can outsmart me, do ya?"

Just as he was turning around to head back towards Gwen and Arthur, Merlin felt another trickle of apprehension curl up his spine. It was the same as he had felt before when he felt the presence of those three bandits he chased away, but only stronger and more sudden. Had Merlin missed something? Had one of the men he scared off returned or had he simply been mistaken and there had been more than just the three men?

He stopped to look around, but just as he did, there was a cracking sound as a figure streaked from a branch above and landed on top of him. The air in Merlin's lungs exploded out on impact and he was left unable to so much as inhale. A man, dirty skinned and reeking of body odor straddled his legs then clamped a hand over his mouth, pointing a sharp dagger at his throat.

"Don't move or make a sound." The disheveled man hissed, fetid breath wafting from his rotten mouth and searing Merlin's nostrils. The bandit had to be at least twice as heavy as Merlin, but he ignored the man's threat and struggled anyway, causing the outlaw to press his knife deeper against the younger man's skin until it stung.

"I said … don't move or I'll slice yer neck open!" the man growled lowly. "Now … you're gonna listen to me, boy. I saw what you did to my friends back there and to that bush just now. That were magic, weren't it? Seein' as how we're in Camelot and the king here don't look too kindly on sorcerers, how 'bout you go and fetch me the purse of that rich fella you're with ... or I'll tell him all 'bout yer magic."

Merlin's nostrils flared in anger and he shook his head. He wasn't about to give into this smelly man's piss-poor attempt at blackmail. He would rather die than let him get anywhere near Arthur or Gwen. He could feel his magic rising and he used it instinctively to push the bandit from him and send him careening backwards. His attacker however, was far faster than Merlin anticipated for his size and was back on his feet, barreling into the smaller man with all of his weight before the young warlock had a chance to do anything.

The bandit tackled him forcefully into the thorn bush he had just escaped from only minutes before. The young man grunted in pain as dozens of thorns poked through his shirt and into the skin his back. Not ready to give up without a fight, Merlin's magic resurfaced, but just as he was about to unleash it against his attacker once again, there was an eruption from the bushes as Arthur stumbled out of them, voicing his displeasure.

"Merlin, I swear I'm going to – "

Merlin turned his head, to warn the prince, "Arthur, NO!"

Distracted by Arthur, the young warlock hardly had time to register the repeated blows that struck him in the abdomen. Strangely, he felt no pain at first, only a surreal detachment from his body as he looked down and saw the handle of a knife embedded in his stomach. Merlin then fully realized what was happening and time became sluggish so that everything unfolded in slow-motion.

Eyes wild, the brutish man pulled the dagger from Merlin's body with a sickening squelch and then, to the young man's horror, launched the blood coated blade straight and true towards Arthur.

**To Be Continued ...**

_Sorry for the cliffy, but I'll post more soon._


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! Thanks for all of the reviews everyone, I really appreciate the feedback and I hope to hear what you think of this next chapter. **

**Chapter 2**

"NO!" Merlin screamed, unable to control what happened next.

His magic rose instantly, flooding his veins like pure adrenaline. Fueled by fear and pain, his power exploded, wild and uncontrolled. The shock-wave of magic hit the bandit's knife with enough force to vaporize it mid-air, only inches from Arthur's shocked face. At the same time, it targeted the bandit and sent him flying straight up in the air, almost to the tops of the trees before simply letting him go and allowing gravity to do the rest. His screams echoed through the forest until his body broke upon impact with the ground.

Shocked at what he had just done, Merlin froze. He had just killed a man … _with magic_ … in front of Arthur.

"Merlin … you're –" Arthur stood still, looking equally as shocked as his servant, his skin pale and eyes wide. Merlin locked eyes with the prince and he saw what he had always dreaded most from the man he swore to protect with his life: confusion, hurt, anger … _betrayal _… _hate_.

Arthur's eyes broke contact and drifted down, and he said nothing.

It was his greatest fear coming true; Arthur knew his secret and hated him for it.

Dwarfing the pain of his wounds, the agony he felt in his chest as his heart shattered into a million pieces was far worse than anything he had ever experienced before. Eyes stinging with tears of shame and grief, the injured warlock's knees weakened and buckled, hitting the ground - he had nothing left to hold him up any longer. He grabbed his stomach as shock gave way to searing, white-hot, all-encompassing pain. Each breath was agony and his vision was blotting out while black spots floated before his eyes, making him dizzy and nauseous.

"Arthur …" Merlin spoke, trembling, barely above a whimper as he hung his head, too drained to lift it and too afraid to see the look of hurt in Arthur's eyes again. "I'm sorry …"

The tears fell freely from his eyes and spilled onto the spreading circles of blood soaking his shirt. He saw his wounds for what they were – fatal. But it didn't matter now – not anymore – nothing did.

It was all over.

Merlin closed his eyes and the last thought that went through his mind was that he had at least saved Arthur this one last time – he may die with his best friend hating him, but the prince would live on to become king one day and that's all that really mattered, wasn't it? Maybe this was how he was supposed to fulfill his destiny.

As everything went dark and numb, Merlin never felt his body pitching forward, nor heard his name echoing through the trees.

**OoOoOoO**

Arthur's mind was reeling.

One moment he was grumbling, pushing his way through thick bushes on a mission to chastise his servant for breaking a beautiful moment between him and Gwen, and the next he was stumbling onto a scene of pure horror, watching his friend get stabbed over and over again by a filth-covered madman.

Arthur never even had time to pull his sword before the bandit turned on him and a knife came flying towards this face. For a heartbeat, he saw certain death coming at him with blinding speed. But then, in the blink of an eye, his whole world changed. In front of his eyes, the knife exploded into a cloud of silvery dust and Merlin's attacker was sent flying straight into the air as if he had been launched by a catapult. The prince watched with an open mouth as the man fell and his eyes lingered on the body for several moments in disbelief.

It was magic … it had to be … but how?

He tore his eyes away from the dead man and looked to the only other person present: Merlin.

"Merlin … you're –" He started, but couldn't finish. It wasn't true … not _Merlin_. Merlin was no sorcerer. Not his bumbling, foolish, stupid, idiotically loyal, and goofy servant. Not the boy who followed him like a lost puppy everywhere, even on the most perilous of quests. Not the kid who had challenged him to a fight the first time they met and then turned around to save his life the very next day. No … it could not be true. He refused to believe it.

But when Arthur's gaze locked with Merlin's, he felt his stomach drop to his feet. In his blue eyes, what Arthur saw was fear and shame …

Then it hit him all at once. Merlin_ had_ done this – Merlin had used magic.

_Merlin_ was a _sorcerer_.

Time stood still as the prince tried to process his thoughts and shifting emotions. It was as if they were all competing for his attention at once; hurt, fear, disbelief …

Then he felt anger. He had allowed Merlin into his life, and had shared with him things he had never spoken to anyone about. But all this time, he had been lied to … by the one person he had trusted the most. Had Merlin just been playing the fool this whole time so that Arthur would never suspect him? So he could gain some sort of advantage over him or get close to his father and undermine his rule?

Arthur dropped his eyes, refusing to meet the sorcerer's.

Merlin had magic and if magic was evil, then Merlin himself had to be evil, right?

But as his gaze lowered, it came to a sudden stop at the sight of the quickly expanding stains of blood seeping into the fabric of Merlin's shirt and he was struck like a slap to the face with the truth. Merlin had just used magic _to save his life _when he stopped that dagger from killing him. Anyone who was truly guilty of treachery and treason would have just let the blade strike him between the eyes like it should have, but Merlin hadn't. Would anyone who was evil do that?

He knew the answer was a resounding NO.

Merlin dropped to his knees as his chin dipped to his chest so that all Arthur could see was the top of his head. "Arthur … I'm sorry."

Arthur heard a voice so quiet, so broken and so full of pain that it was as if he was seeking forgiveness for not only for his secrets and lies, but for just being alive. The prince all but forgot the events that had just transpired when he heard that voice and he saw Merlin … _his_ Merlin, for what he truly was; only human. He kept secrets from him, yes, but what other choice did he have? If he had come to Arthur straight away about his magic, he would have faced either the chopping block or the pyre.

Then Arthur saw blood … _Merlin's_ blood. There was just so much pouring out of the boy and there was hardly an inch of fabric that wasn't drenched in it.

His heart clenched as he took it all in, but he didn't know what to do; he was rooted to his spot.

Arthur didn't even hear the rustling of the leaves behind him, but he did hear the voice of Guinevere cry out in anguish as Merlin pitched forward, landing unconscious on the forest floor.

"Merlin!" She shouted, running to her friend and crashing to her knees beside him. She quickly took action, rolling him over and taking his far too pale face into her hands. "Oh no … no, no … Merlin, _please_ …" she begged desperately, "Open your eyes … please, please open your eyes!"

Tears rolled down Gwen's face as she failed to wake him. Pulling off Merlin's neckerchief, she balled up the ragged blue cloth and pressed it frantically to his wounds, her hands shaking, stained red with his blood. She turned her stricken face to the prince, looking to him for help. "Arthur, _do_ something!"

Finally, Gwen's pleas broke through Arthur's foggy, shock-addled brain. Instantly, he felt his body respond and his muscles jerk into motion as his self-inflicted spell was lifted and he rushed to the fallen man's side next to Gwen. He quickly stripped off his jerkin and rolled it up, and placed it under Merlin's legs to elevate them over his heart, remembering some of the lesson's Gaius had taught him about how to treat blood loss on the battlefield.

It didn't seem to be doing much good however, and nothing he or Gwen did was slowing the flow of blood coming from his wounds. It was a battle that they both knew they were losing with each breath that rattled in Merlin's chest, growing shallower and slower.

Eventually, Merlin exhaled out one last time almost with a sigh, and then failed to take another breath in.

Gwen shook her head in denial, "Oh, Merlin … no." She then ran a hand through Merlin's hair, her shoulders shaking with grief-filled sobs.

At that moment, Arthur's mind raced through various scenes of his life since he met the unapologetically irreverent boy. He thought of all of the times Merlin followed him into danger and fought by his side against questing beasts, monsters, and even the great dragon. He recalled the poison he had taken for the prince, the various plots against the kingdom he had helped foil, and the rare times when Merlin had offered him some bit of sage advice when he needed it the most. Even when Arthur was complaining about him or throwing things like pillows or goblets at him, Merlin always bounced back and always, without fail, stuck by him no matter how grave the situation. But most of all, Arthur's mind sought out the image of Merlin's goofy smile and the sincere joy it held and how empty he would feel without seeing it every day.

And seeing Merlin's pale face angled up at him now, so smooth and still as if he was just sleeping, Arthur half expected his servant to snap open his eyes, laugh at him and tell him this was all just some sick, elaborate prank. But when seconds passed and nothing happened, Arthur felt something deep inside his chest snap as a deep, all-consuming anger overwhelmed him.

How dare that idiot do this to him! First he dumped the fact that he had magic on Arthur by saving his life in the most astounding way possible and _now_ he was just going to give up and die? Merlin had just given up and Arthur never even had a chance to hear his friend explain it all to him. Arthur wasn't about to let that happen, not when he still had so many questions left.

Arthur still wasn't sure how he felt about magic, but he was certain of one thing: Merlin wasn't just an evil sorcerer that needed to be put down … no … he was his_ friend. _And he wasn't ready to let him go – not without a fight.

"Dammit, Merlin!" He shouted, gripping Merlin's shoulder and shaking him, causing Gwen to jump at his ferocity, "Don't you _dare _do this! You're not getting off this easily!"

Stubbornly quiet and lifeless, Merlin's chest was still, lips blue and slightly parted, giving no indication that Arthur's shouts had had any effect.

Drained of anger from his outburst, but just as desperate to get through to him, Arthur pulled the boy up from the ground and into his arms. Merlin's head rolled back as he sat him up, but the prince gently laid it on his shoulder, bringing his lips close to his friend's ear. His eyes swimming with tears he refused to shed, he whispered quietly, yet furtively, "Merlin … if you're still in there …" His throat caught on the words, unwilling to admit that he might not be, "Don't give up, you hear me, you idiot? Do what you have to – fight, climb or crawl your way out. Use your magic if you must, but don't give up. You've never quit before and you damned well better not do it now."

**OoOoOoOo**

Though magic had a life of its own, it could do little without someone to command it and order it what to do. It usually only responded to its master, but his wounded soul had sought refuge in the darkness, hiding from the pain of rejection he had felt in his last moments of conscious thought. It was only a matter of seconds now … when death would claim the body, the soul would leave and when it did, so too would the magic.

_Don't give up, you hear me, you idiot?_

The magic awoke. It was not Merlin's voice commanding it, but it responded to it just the same, recognizing it as its master. It was weak, but the words made it stronger as the continued.

_ Do what you have to – fight, climb or crawl your way out._

It stretched and swirled.

_ Use your magic if you must,_

It expanded.

_ but don't give up._

It moved.

_You've never quit before and you damned well better not do it now._

It traveled through veins.

It reached the failing heart and clung desperately to what little life remained there. It started to pulse, injecting it with raw power, shocking the muscle into action, stirring sluggish blood and coaxing it begin moving again. At the same time it extended tendrils of itself everywhere, traversing across nerves and sinews, knitting together broken blood vessels and torn flesh.

Slowly, the body began to revive, but there was still a problem that not even magic could solve. For a body, even one with a beating heart, was only a shell without the soul. The magic reached out into the darkness and called out to Merlin, but there was no answer.

**_To be continued ..._**

_Sorry this was so short, but the next one will be quite longer._


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hi again! I've got a longer chapter for you today and I hope you like it. Thanks again for all of the reviews and I'm sorry if I didn't get a chance to respond to all of them, but I truly do love hearing from everyone and knowing what you think of this.**_

**Chapter 3**

Arthur didn't know how long he had sat there on the hard ground, but it was long enough for Merlin's blood to seep into his own shirt and chill his skin. Merlin, though he was boneless in his arms and devoid of life, was still warm and Arthur wasn't willing to put him down yet. He had to make sure – had to believe that his friend had heard him and had, for once in his life, actually obeyed his commands.

"Arthur –" Gwen started hesitantly, her voice wrecked from crying, "don't you think …" She choked, unable to voice what he knew she wanted to say. She wanted him to let him go and accept that Merlin was gone, but he just couldn't.

He shook his head and shifted the heavy weight of his servant into a firmer grip so Merlin's head would rest easier on his shoulder, "No."

"But, Arthur –"

"I can't. Not yet." He snapped, not meaning to cause further tears to drop from Gwen's eyes, but fall they did.

Hurt, Gwen stood, making a half-hearted attempt to collect herself. "I'll … I'll wait for you by the horses, sire." She said, her voice shaking, "Whenever you are ready …" She didn't have to finish. Deep down he knew that they would have to bring Merlin home soon, even if he couldn't find the will to move yet.

Silently, Gwen retreated into the bushes and Arthur sat, staring off at nothing, trying not to think, and failing. His mind whirled and swept over the contradictions he had just learned of his servant; Merlin had magic, but he hadn't been evil ... Merlin saved his life, but Arthur hadn't saved his in return ...

While he wallowed in his thoughts, a warm breeze tickled his ear, but Arthur didn't notice it.

But then breeze came back again … and again … and again.

It was rhythmic in its regularity … almost like a soft brea—

Arthur couldn't even form that last thought and turned his face towards Merlin's. The boy's lips were parted, but from them he felt another feather-light puff of air. Stomach jumping to his throat, Arthur prayed that he wasn't imagining this.

Could it be?

He felt Merlin's chest rise ever so slightly and he almost jerked away in shock.

Good Gods! Merlin was breathing!

Hope exploded in his chest and he worked quickly to confirm that it wasn't misplaced. Hurriedly, yet gently, the prince laid his servant back on the ground and pressed his head to Merlin's chest, his hands shaking in anticipation and heart pounding an erratic tattoo against his ribcage.

_Thump … thump … thump_

Against all that was possible, Merlin was alive!

Carefully, Arthur peeled Merlin's blood soaked shirt from his stomach. The three stab wounds had closed and almost before his eyes he watched as they pulsed in a warm, golden glow and scabbed over.

Magic … there was no other explanation for it and for the first time in his life, Arthur wasn't scared to witness it. Unlike before, Arthur found nothing frightening or cursed about this display of raw power and sorcery. It was … he couldn't even find an appropriate word for it – terms like awe-inspiring and life-changing were too weak to fit.

Arthur would have sat there and marveled longer if not for the fact that his friend was still so deathly still and pale, his breathing barely enough to keep his heart beating. He had lost more blood than any normal person could survive. Clearly Merlin was anything but normal, but there was no telling if this resurrection was permanent or not. He needed to get Merlin back home to Gaius … and quickly.

Without another thought, Arthur gathered Merlin back into his arms, and in much the same fashion as he had Gwen earlier, he lifted him. Despite his thin frame, Merlin was far heavier than Gwen, but his urgency and adrenaline lent him the strength to not only carry the full-grown man like a newborn babe, but run through the bushes and across the shallow waters of the creek.

Upon seeing Arthur carrying the manservant she thought was dead and running towards her and the horses, Guinevere held a hand to her mouth in anguish. She must have thought that the prince had lost his mind, but as soon as he was close enough to be heard, he shouted, "Hurry, Guinevere! Bring the horses!"

The urgent, commanding tone in Arthur's voice seemed to have the effect of breaking through the maid's confusion and she immediately turned to the animals and tugged on their reins, freeing them from the tree they were tethered to. Arthur's muscles were tight and strained, the exertion of carrying his limp friend while sprinting were taking a toll on his strength. Gwen met him with the horses just as his arms began to quiver, nearly at the limits of their endurance. He nearly dropped his burden, but a burst of adrenaline wouldn't allow it

"Arthur? What …?" Gwen asked, bewildered and desperate for answers to Arthur's actions as he struggled to lift Merlin's boneless body onto his horse's saddle, gently laying his servant's chest against the back of the stallion's neck. Arthur then mounted behind him and pulled him back so that he was leaning against his chest so as not to aggravate his injuries or reopen any wounds. He wouldn't be able to ride at top speed holding onto Merlin as such, but he had little choice.

Thankfully, Gwen was there and she could help.

"Guinevere," Arthur panted, "I need you to take Merlin's horse and ride to Gaius as fast as you can so he can be prepared to take care of Merlin. He's lost a lot of blood and we don't have much time."

"But, Arthur …" Gwen began, horrified, "Merlin's not … he's – " she couldn't even bring herself to say the word 'dead', but Arthur was quick to reassure her that that wasn't the case.

"Gwen, Merlin's alive! Here … feel!" Arthur lifted Merlin's wrist for Gwen to take and feel his pulse. She hesitated, but took the wrist between her fingers then looked up at Arthur in astonishment, her eyes wide.

"How?" She asked.

Arthur shook his head, "I can't explain now, but he's breathing and we need to get him home. Can you do as I ask?"

Gwen nodded quickly and asked no more questions as grim determination replaced the grief on her face. She pulled herself onto the other horse swiftly, hitching up her skirts with no thoughts to propriety and wasted not a second, kicking her heels into the mare's flank, and taking off at a racing gallop.

Arthur kicked his horse into a slightly slower run than Gwen's, holding on tight to Merlin with one arm, "Hold on, Merlin. We'll be home soon, just hang on."

**OoOoOoO**

Gwen had never ridden so fast in her life and yet she felt as if she was trudging through a bog, going far too slow. She kicked the poor horse relentlessly, urging her to run faster, but the mare wasn't made for this kind of speed and she snorted in protest, her heavy breaths reverberating through Gwen's body. The maid felt some guilt for pushing the animal so hard, but time was slipping away from and she needed to find Gaius – he had to help Merlin.

She still couldn't believe that her friend was alive. There had been so much blood – Gwen's hands and dress were still stained with it and it was almost unfathomable that anyone could survive that. In fact, she had been certain that he had been dead. He hadn't been breathing and she was sure that his heart had stopped.

And when Arthur had come running to her and exclaimed that her friend yet lived, she first thought that he had taken complete leave of his senses, but then she had felt the warmth of his skin and felt the slow and weak beat of his pulse herself and she was overcome with a mixture of joy and fear. Her thoughts raced almost as fast as the horse, trying to find some kind of explanation, but she had to push it to the back of her mind, her foremost concern was for Merlin. He might still be alive, but for how long?

At last, Camelot came into view and she once again kicked at the horse, urging her faster until the exhausted horse passed through the gates. She blatantly ignored the shouts of the guards standing sentry and steered her mount directly for the courtyard.

Sir Leon caught sight of her mad dash from the top of the stairs leading to the palace and raced down to meet her as she reined in the horse and jumped from the saddle.

"Gwen!" Leon looked at the blood that painted her dress, "What happened? Are you hurt?"

She shook her head, breathless, "No … but Arthur …"

"Arthur's hurt?" He asked before she could explain.

"Not Arthur … it's Merlin." She hurried to assure the loyal knight, "He's bringing him, but I need to find Gaius."

"He's in a council meeting –"

Gwen rarely swore, but in this instance, a curse slipped easily from her lips. There was no way the guards outside to the council chambers would allow her, a mere servant, entry. "Please, Leon. You must fetch him for me and bring him to his chambers. I'll meet him there."

Leon nodded quickly and without question, took off, running back up the stairs, his red cape billowing behind him. Though Merlin was about as close to a knight as an apple was to a cauliflower, he had traveled with Arthur and the knights on enough occasions to have made friends with the vast majority of them. But that was just Merlin – he was friendly with everyone and she didn't know a single person who worked in the castle that didn't like him.

As Leon dashed for the council chambers, Gwen made for the physician's quarters. She took off running, dodging servants, unmindful of the annoyed looks she received when she accidentally ran into several of them in her haste.

Once she arrived, she burst into the chambers and started doing what she could to prepare for Arthur bringing Merlin in. Gwen hadn't realized how much of a toll her ride to Camelot and her frantic run through the castle had taken on her until she was outside with a bucket, filling it with water that she knew the physician would need. The bucket shook in her hands as her heart pounded an unsteady rhythm in her chest and it felt like her whole body was vibrating and shaking. Somehow though, she managed bring the water back without dropping from her quivering arms.

By the time she returned to Gaius' chambers, the physician had arrived with Sir Leon and he rushed to meet her at the door.

"What happened, Gwen?" He asked, worry marring his brow as he pulled the shaking bucket from her hands and placed it on the floor.

She felt herself crumble then, all of the tears she had held inside as she hurried to the city finally broke through and started to fall, "Oh Gaius … it's terrible …"

Gwen gathered a breath and then explained everything.

**OoOoOoOo**

Thankfully, Merlin had not only held onto life during the trip home, but his breathing had become deeper and more even, almost normal. While Arthur was encouraged by that, he was still worried as the boy was still completely unresponsive and deeply unconscious.

Arthur's arrival in Camelot, his limp, bloody servant leaning against him as he rushed through the gates caused a stir, but he was blind and deaf to the people stopping to gawp at him and murmur to each other, trying to guess what had happened. He was, however, more than a little relieved and surprised to find Sir Leon and a group of knights waiting for him as soon as he entered the courtyard. They must have been warned by Gwen that he would need their help and he was grateful it as they helped Merlin down from the horse and carried him to Gaius. Arthur would never admit it, but his arms were sore and well past exhausted from holding on to his servant during the entire ride and he was certain, he lacked to strength to do it himself.

Gaius and a red-eyed Gwen were waiting as Sir Leon and the knights carried Merlin across the threshold into the quarters. Ever the professional, the old physician directed the men to settle Merlin carefully onto the patient bed and then ordered everyone but Gwen and the prince to leave so he could work without a crowd in the room.

Gwen helped Gaius, gathering the supplies he asked for as he examined his ward and helping him remove Merlin's shirt by cutting it down the middle with a pair of scissors. She gasped as soon as the wounds were exposed and a hand flew to her mouth.

She stepped back in surprise, her eyes snapping to Arthur in open confusion and shock. Arthur knew what had startled her. She had seen the wounds as she tried to stem the copious amounts of blood flowing from them back in the forest, but now … now the wounds were already sealed and scabbed over, almost completely healed. If Arthur hadn't known already that Merlin had magic, he would have been equally as flummoxed. As it was, he was still quite mystified by it all.

Gaius too, was taken aback by what he saw and he blanched, but he carefully avoided turning to the prince and recovered quickly. As he watched him work, Arthur noticed the hesitation and the slight tremor to Gaius' skilled hands that was never present when he treated any other person in the realm. He knew then that the seasoned healer was privy to Merlin's secret as well, but he just couldn't find it within himself to be angry at the older man. It only made sense that Gaius knew – he lived with Merlin and knew just about everything there was to know about magic.

Gwen was still gaping at Merlin's healing wounds when Gaius ordered her to fetch him the water and bandages, snapping her out of her paralysis. Soon she was obeying, doing all that Gaius asked of her, but every now and again, looking up and glancing in Arthur's direction as if she was trying to gauge his prince however, found it hard to meet her gaze and kept his face as impassive as possible. He still didn't know how he was going to explain everything to her. Should he tell her the truth? Anything other than magic would seem almost implausible though and she would no doubt come to the same conclusion.

But he had bigger problems than finding a way to talk to Gwen, the first of which being what he was going to do now. He had done what he had set out to do after he got over his initial shock of finding out about Merlin's magic, and that was to save his manservant from death. But now that Merlin was alive and in Gaius' care and he had a moment to reflect on all that he had learned, he was troubled and torn. Certainly things had changed between he and his servant and there was no going back to the way things had been just that morning.

Although he wasn't angry anymore, he was still hurt. Merlin had kept all of this from him – had lied to him, probably on a daily basis and he wasn't sure what else had been a lie and what other secrets he had kept hidden from the prince. He could understand how Merlin's fear of being executed meant that he had to keep his magic a secret and truthfully, he wasn't sure how he would have reacted if Merlin had come to him sooner and revealed his magic in any other way than saving his life.

While he knew for a fact that Merlin wasn't evil – that he had used his magic for good to save him that day (and who knew how many other times), he was still a lawbreaker in his father's kingdom. It went without saying that he would never tell Uther of Merlin's power for that would only lead to certain death for the manservant, but the law was still the law. If he harbored Merlin's secret, then he too would be guilty of treason. Would he go so far to protect him? He was torn – was he more loyal to his servant or to his father?

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose, a headache worming its way between his eyes. He couldn't think about all of this right now. Every one of his muscles ached and he was bone weary. He needed time to think and he couldn't do that in the physician's quarters with Merlin so close by. He needed to be objective and not let his feelings sway his decisions.

Gaius finished cleaning the blood from Merlin and wrapping the wounds in bandages. The older man then turned to face Arthur.

Arthur met Gaius' eyes, "Is he going to be alright?"

The physician sighed, looking every bit as old as his age if not more so, "I believe so, sire. The wounds should heal, but he'll need time to recover from the blood loss. I believe that is why he is still unconscious."

Arthur nodded, relieved to know that Merlin would live, yet still torn about what he was supposed to do now. He felt the sudden urge to turn tail and run, but princes don't run from anything, so instead he calmly turned and headed for the door.

With a speed that belied his age, Gaius was up and hurrying after him, meeting him just as his hand reached the doorknob. "Sire …" Gaius started, apprehension and worry marking the lines on his face and he was uncharacteristically tongue-tied, "Those wounds … did you - did something happen that I should know about?"

Arthur ducked his head, unable to keep eye-contact with the physician, knowing that Gaius had most likely already figured out that Arthur had discovered Merlin's magic, given the prince's lack of reaction to the mostly healed wounds on his servant. He didn't know what to tell him, but finally, he settled on the truth.

"Yes, Gaius." Arthur replied, hardening his features, trying not give away how conflicted he felt. "And I saw everything."

Gaius nodded sadly, his eyes reddening as he swallowed hard, "What will you do, sire?"

The unasked question written on the man who had become as close to a father as Merlin had ever had was plainly evident; would Arthur turn Merlin in to his father?

Only one thing was certain in Arthur's mind – he hadn't just saved Merlin just to see him executed. No … Merlin would live, but would he stay in Camelot was the question.

Arthur lifted his head, conveying reassurances that he wasn't going to send Merlin to the chopping block anytime soon. "Right now … I'm not going to do anything. But, we will talk later after I've had some time to think. Until then, just take care of Merlin."

Without another word, Arthur left and somehow made it to his chambers without running anyone down despite how lost in a fog he was. Once he was finally in his rooms, he went straight for his bed and sat down, dropping his head into his hands.

The way he saw it, he had only two options. One: he kept Merlin's secret, disobeying everything he had been taught about respect to the crown and obedience, or two: he could banish Merlin and send him away from Camelot forever.

Neither option sounded good, but he had a duty as prince to uphold the law, even when the law went against what he wanted. Technically, Arthur wouldn't be committing treason if he banished Merlin since it was well within his authority to banish anyone caught committing a crime. He just wouldn't state for which crime he was sending Merlin away.

A part of him however, was rebelling against banishment. Simply put, he didn't want to think about how different things would be without Merlin around. Just a few years ago, Arthur wouldn't have been able to imagine allowing such a disrespectful, cheeky, insubordinate, piss-poor excuse for a servant into his employ, but now? Merlin had changed him and looking back, Arthur had to admit that he had been a spoiled prat before the goofy boy had stumbled into his life. Before Merlin, he had believed that all people should respect him simply because he was the prince, but the poor peasant had shown him otherwise. The first time they met when he called him out on his unfair treatment of his previous servant and since then, Merlin had never been afraid to speak his mind and tell Arthur when he was doing something foolish or unjust and most of the time he had been right.

After a while, Arthur had come to see Merlin as more than just his manservant and he had to grudgingly admit that the boy had been his friend, perhaps his best friend. But that was over now, wasn't it? After all, could things ever be the same between them? Could he ever look at Merlin again and not wonder what else he was keeping from him? And maybe that was what really bugged Arthur and hurt the most; he had trusted Merlin – with just about everything – he had been an open book to the boy, but in return, Merlin hadn't trusted him enough to confide his secret. Perhaps that meant that they had never really been true friends in the first place because what was friendship without trust?

Then again … had Arthur ever given Merlin cause for that kind of faith in him? The prince had repeatedly made his thought about the evils of magic and those that practiced it abundantly clear - anyone with a lick of self-preservation would have kept such a secret from him - even his best friend ... right?

Exhausted, Arthur flopped backwards onto his bed and looked up at the ceiling. He was no closer to a decision now than he had been before. He closed his eyes and flung an arm over his face and without meaning to, he was asleep in moments.

**OoOoOoO**

A day passed, followed by another and yet another. Arthur however hadn't done anything, which worried Gaius to no end. While he was certain that the prince would not see Merlin executed, neither had he come back to discuss what he had learned of Merlin and his magic nor had he come to see if his manservant was alright.

Gwen on the other hand, was a different story. He wasn't sure how he would have gotten along the last few days without her, even though her continued support was only possible because he had finally broken down and told her the truth – all of it.

Right away Gaius knew that he wasn't going to be able to keep lying to her – she had seen Merlin's wounds and she had voiced her confusion and astonishment over Merlin's rapid and unexplained recovery. Gwen wasn't normally the type of woman to demand anything, but when she brought up magic as a possible cause and he tried to tell her that she must have been mistaken, she lost her usually even temper and berated him for thinking her so stupid.

_"I know what I saw, Gaius! Merlin was dead! It was magic and you can't tell me it wasn't!"_

Thus began a long discussion between the maid and the old man wherein he told her everything – and by everything – he meant everything. He explained how Merlin was a warlock and not a sorcerer and how he had been born with his ability to command magic and how hiding who he really was to all of his friends, though it had been necessary to avoid execution, had been the hardest part of his life in Camelot. He also told her about the many, many times Merlin had risked his life to save her or Arthur's life, whether through the use of magic or not, and how he would do anything to see Arthur become the king he was destined to be.

All in all, their talk had been rather cathartic for the both of them. Gwen had come to realize all that Merlin had done for them while Gaius had felt nothing but relief in seeing that not only did she not fear Merlin or his magic, but was even more fiercely protective of him than ever. Certainly she had been hurt at first that Merlin had kept this secret from her for years, but it had been fleeting and only momentary before her concern for her friend washed it away. After their talk, Gaius felt more than a little foolish for ever thinking that someone as sweet as Gwen could ever be harsh towards Merlin.

Gaius only wished that he could have the same discussion with Arthur, but the prince was either still too angry by the truth about Merlin or too conflicted to make that happen. Gaius wanted to go to him and explain everything, but he couldn't leave Merlin, not in the state he was in. He would just have to wait until the prince had made a decision and came to him.

And then there was Merlin. After three days, his magic had appeared to have healed him almost completely, yet the boy had still to wake up or even so much as stir. Gaius cooked up countless potions, researched numerous remedies, and even tried a couple of magical spells himself while Gwen was out (she may have known about Merlin's powers, but he was still reluctant to perform magic around her) but nothing was working and everything Gaius had tried to rouse him had failed. With each hour that passed, he worried that he might never wake – that he was in a coma so deep that not even magic could reach him.

It was on the morning of the fourth day that Gaius, while working on yet another remedy for his ward, was startled by a loud clang. He jerked up in surprise to see that Gwen had dropped a pitcher of water on the floor, a hand over her mouth as she cautiously approached Merlin's bed.

Gaius quickly hobbled down from his perch at his workbench and came to see what the matter was. He came up beside Gwen and saw right away what had caused her startled reaction: Merlin's eyes were open.

But there was something terribly wrong. Gaius had spent the last few days wishing for Merlin to just open his eyes and now that they boy had, he couldn't imagine seeing anything worse.

"Merlin?" He asked, kneeling beside Merlin's bed. His ward's eyes blinked lazily, but other than that, there was nothing there to indicate that he had heard Gaius. The physician waved his hand before Merlin's eyes, yet his expression remained blank and lifeless, his eyes lacking any spark of the boy Gaius knew and loved. He tried shaking Merlin's shoulders, rubbing his sternum, and pinching his arm to create any sort of reaction, but the boy's only response was a thin line of drool seeping from the corner of his mouth. It was as if his soul had been scooped out and only an empty vessel was left behind.

"Gaius … what's wrong with him?" Gwen asked.

Gaius turned to her and shook his head sadly, uttering words he hated more than anything: "I don't know."

**_To be continued ..._**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm sorry to say that this chapter doesn't have a whole lot of action, it's kinda angsty (okay ... it's all angst) focused mainly on everyone's feelings and thoughts mostly, but the next chapter will have much more going on. Anyway ... I just wanted to thank everyone again for the kind reviews, I truly do appreciate each one and whenever one comes in, I'm giddy like a kid at Christmas. :)  
**

**Chapter 4**

Gwen had had enough.

A week had passed since Merlin opened his eyes, but she had yet to see any signs that he friend was still in there somewhere and she feared he would never come back. And to make matters worse, Arthur had not once come by to see him. She understood that he was angry – she had felt some anger herself when she learned that Merlin had been hiding such a big secret from her (hadn't he known he could have trusted her?). But none of that really mattered, especially after she learned all that Merlin had done not only for her and Arthur, but for the whole of the kingdom. She easily forgave his secrets and lies, and after she demanded that Gaius explain everything, she understood why Merlin hadn't come to her – he had been too afraid. It wasn't so much death that she knew he feared, but it was rejection – the kind of rejection that Arthur was showing now by avoiding him and never coming by to see him.

Arthur was still angry and confused – she got that, but he couldn't act like he didn't care forever.

Well … she wasn't about to put up with it any longer. Someone needed to set him straight.

With her mind made up and determined to give Arthur a piece of it, Gwen headed for the prince's door and stood in front of it, raising a hand to knock.

It was then that the door opened just as she brought her knuckles down and she nearly ended up knocking on Arthur's forehead rather than his door.

"Arthur!"

"Guinevere!" They exclaimed at the same time.

Arthur recovered first, "What are you doing here?"

All at once, everything Gwen had prepared in her head to say to the prince fled from her mind and her tongue tied into a stubborn knot, "I uh … I …"

Arthur grabbed her wringing hands gently and pulled her into his room. "Is something wrong?"

She sighed, "No … well … yes. It's Merlin …"

The prince's eyes looked down and his face closed off from all emotions, keeping his feelings tightly bottled within. "What about him? I thought he was going to be fine."

Gwen shook her head and felt some of the courage that had fled return, "No, Arthur. He's not."

"What do you mean?"

"Well … he woke up. Sort of …"

Arthur gave her a well-deserved look of confusion, "Sort of?" he echoed.

"He … it's like he's not really there. His eyes open, but he doesn't respond to anything. Gaius calls it catatonia, but he seems to think that it can be reversed if he gets the right kind of stimulation. Gaius and I have tried to talk to him, to get him to come around, but … I think it would be good for him if you came and saw him. Maybe he'll hear you-"

Arthur turned his back on Gwen and walked over to his window, looking out without really seeing anything. She felt her stomach plummet to her feet. Arthur wasn't just shutting her out, but Merlin as well and all at once she felt a great force of anger strike her square in the chest. She didn't want to lose either Merlin or Arthur, so she quit wringing her hands and balled them into fists, marching towards the prince. Heedless of her status as a servant and his as royalty, she grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, her voice shaking as she blurted, "I know Merlin has magic and I know you know it too!"

Arthur's eyes widened.

"Yes, I know!" She continued, almost in tears. "And you want to know what else? I don't care. He's saved your life time and time again and he's been nothing but loyal to you all of these years –"

"He lied to me." Arthur exclaimed.

"Of course he did!" She raised her voice in frustration. "What else was he supposed to do? He was scared, Arthur – just like you are!"

Gwen saw Arthur's jaw clench and she knew she had struck a nerve, so she plowed ahead, "I know you're scared and that's why you've been hiding here and haven't come to see him. You don't want to believe that everything you have been taught your whole life about magic might be wrong. But you can't avoid this anymore, Arthur! What kind of king could you ever hope to be if you won't face the truth? Merlin is your friend and so help me, if you won't help him –"she felt her voice waver, "then maybe you're not the man I thought you were."

Her face burning, cooled only by tears, Gwen strode from the room, leaving behind a bewildered and thunderstruck prince.

**OoOoOo**

Arthur watched Gwen leave, his chest clenching. He had never seen her so passionate nor so angry before, especially not at him. But her words had hit him harder than a sledgehammer to the head and rightfully so because they had all been the truth.

He had been hiding. He hadn't wanted to decide anything about Merlin. He didn't want to conclude one way or another if their friendship had been real or not – he didn't want to condemn him or send him away, but at the same time, he wasn't sure if he wanted to be his friend either. Somehow he had convinced himself that if he just ignored the problem and stayed away from Merlin, then he would never have to decide anything and their issues would somehow solve themselves. But he had just been fooling himself and instead had only made things worse.

But Gwen had hit the real matter right on the nose and shown him what a selfish prat he really had been the last few days. And she was right – what kind of king would he be if he couldn't make up his mind?

It was time for him to grow up and make a choice.

**OoOoOo**

Arthur didn't bother with knocking and strode into Gaius' chambers, surprising the older man with his sudden presence.

"Sire?"

Pausing, Arthur was struck by the multitude of books that surrounded the physician and the deep, dark circles under his eyes. He looked so haggard and worn that Arthur wondered if Gaius had slept at all since he last saw him.

"Is there something I can do for you?" Gaius asked the prince.

Arthur looked around, expecting to see Merlin in the patient bed near the fireplace, but he wasn't there. "Where's Merlin?"

"In his room. I figured he would be more comfortable in his own bed."

Nodding awkwardly, Arthur walked over to the workbench that Gaius was seated behind and cleared his throat. Gaius waited with one eyebrow arched, assessing him closely, letting only a hint of anxiety creep into his features, perhaps wondering if the prince had come to pass sentence on his ward. But when Arthur asked, "How is he?" Gaius visibly relaxed a hair.

"He's … " Gaius looked down, hiding the sadness in his eyes, "I think perhaps you should see for yourself, sire."

Arthur looked up towards the room at the top of the stairs. He was hesitant to go up there just yet; he still had many, many questions to ask Gaius, but he just couldn't help himself and soon his feet were leading him up the stairs before he could consciously stop them. At the door, Arthur quietly pushed it open as if the barest noise would wake his servant, but Merlin showed no reaction as he stepped through and into the room.

Merlin was just as Gwen described him, but seeing him with his own eyes was worse than he imagined. The boy lay on his back, face angled towards the window, eyes partially open, but completely devoid of any expression. All it took was one look for Arthur to know that while Merlin yet breathed, there was no life within him.

"Merlin?" He asked, half-hoping that Merlin would give him an answer or a cheeky grin, but unsurprised when there was none. Arthur swallowed; he hadn't expected it to be this bad or for him to feel like his throat was closing in on itself. He stepped closer and approached the boy warily, bending a little so that he was face to face with Merlin. His skin was ghastly pale, which wasn't so unusual given Merlin's naturally colorless complexion, but the severe angles of his face seemed harsher and more pronounced than he remembered from just a few days earlier, his cheekbones sharp enough to cut paper, and the hollows between them and his jaw creating a valley deeper than he had ever seen them before.

Aside from his sickly appearance, Arthur was struck by just how wrong an expressionless Merlin truly was. He was the kind of person that bore everything with a toothy grin and a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. Even when he was trying to be serious, Merlin looked silly to Arthur. Perhaps that was why it always took him by surprise whenever Merlin offered him some kind of wise advice or said something so intelligent and profound that Arthur would have never thought of it. Despite the many times Arthur called Merlin an idiot, he was anything but and that's what made seeing him like this all the worse - the boy laying on the bed in front of him looked like Merlin, but wasn't at the same time. It was more than a little disturbing.

He could only hope that Merlin was in there somewhere and he had to admit the truth to himself - he missed him.

Arthur rubbed a hand through his hair as his backside found its way into a nearby chair. He felt a presence behind him and he turned to see Gaius walk in and stride to his ward's side, taking one of his limp wrists into his fingers to check his pulse. Merlin didn't so much as twitch during the exam and when he was finished, Gaius looked up at Arthur expectantly as if he knew the first question Arthur was going to ask.

"What's wrong with him, Gaius?"

"He's catatonic, but why, I don't know for certain." Gaius explained, gently and affectionately pulling the thin blanket covering Merlin up to his shoulders - a gesture f affection that was lost on Merlin.

"Will he recover?"

Gaius shook his head wearily, "I don't know. I have searched for answers in all of my books, but thus far, I've had no success. The thing that worries me the most however, is that while Guinevere and I have been somewhat successful in getting him to swallow some water, he can't chew food, so we haven't been able to feed him anything more than broth and even then, we can't him to take enough to sustain him. I'm afraid that if this state persists much longer, he may starve."

"Guinevere said that you thought he might snap out of this – that he just needed the right stimulation."

Gaius frowned, "That is one theory, but I cannot say that for certain. The mind is a very complex thing and no one knows how it really functions."

"Could …" Arthur started then hesitated, disliking the word he needed to use, "could his magic have caused this?"

"It's possible, but I doubt it. I believe this is caused by something else – perhaps even something psychological. He went through a major trauma and it this might be his mind's way of protecting itself."

"You mean he put himself into this trance?"

With a sigh, Gaius shook his head, "Maybe not consciously, but again – that's only speculation. Truthfully, I'm no closer to understanding his condition than I was when he first opened his eyes."

"Why do his eyes open, Gaius? I mean … if he was sleeping or in a coma they'd be closed, wouldn't they?" Arthur asked, noticeably disturbed.

"Not necessarily. I believe they open and close merely on reflex."

Arthur stared down at Merlin, his brow lined deep in thought until Gaius spoke up again, "I'm glad you came, Arthur, but tell me … you didn't come here just to see Merlin, did you?"

The prince replied honestly, his voice betraying his conflicted emotions, "I suppose I came for many reasons."

Sagely, Gaius nodded, "You have questions, I know you do. But you can talk to me about anything that is troubling you, Sire. Especially about the things you are too afraid to ask."

"I'm not afraid, Gaius." Arthur protested weakly, but it sounded false even to his own ears and Gaius easily picked up on it.

The physician arched an eyebrow, "Not even of magic?"

Arthur didn't answer; his jaw was too tightly clenched.

"I think that's why you haven't come to speak to me sooner, isn't it?" Gaius added.

Arthur tore his gaze away from Merlin and whirled on the older man. "I don't know what to think anymore, Gaius!" Truth was, scared didn't really cover how he felt, but it wasn't the fact that Merlin had magic so much that frightened him anymore; it was what he was supposed to do with this reality now. "Merlin has magic … by all rights I should hate him, have him executed or banished, but … he's _Merlin_. He's supposed to be just a stupid, idiotic servant, not some powerful sorcerer. But now I know that I never really knew him at all." He admitted quietly. "Tell me … what do I now?"

Gaius nodded with a sigh and then beckoned Arthur to follow him back down the stairs. Arthur followed him to his dining table and then Gaius gestured for the prince to take a seat.

Arthur sat and folded his hands on the table top while Gaius took his seat in a much slower fashion as if every joint in his body ached. "I know this hasn't been easy for you, Arthur, finding out about Merlin's magic as you did. It had always been Merlin's hope that he would one day tell you himself. He hated lying to you and keeping everything a secret, yet I always feared what would happen should he tell you and you reacted harshly, so I discouraged him from ever speaking of it to anyone save myself."

"You thought I would have him executed?" Arthur asked, a little put-out that everyone seemed to believe that he would have Merlin killed if he had found out sooner than he had.

"I know you are a good man, Arthur, but I also know that you have been taught from nigh on birth to hate all that magic is and to hate those who practice it. Your reaction to Merlin's magic was an unknown to both of us and we couldn't take the risk of you finding out until we were absolutely certain that you would accept him for who he truly is."

"But still, Gaius. Why is Merlin even practicing it? He knows it's outlawed in Camelot, why would he take the risk and study it?"

At this Gaius leaned forward, his eyes drilling into Arthur's, "He doesn't need to study it."

"What do you mean?"

"Arthur … Merlin is not just a man with magic. He _is_ magic."

Shaking his head, Arthur tried to wrap his head around that statement, "I don't understand."

Gaius nodded, "I know it is a hard concept to comprehend. Even I don't completely understand Merlin's abilities, but essentially, he is not what you would call a sorcerer per se. He doesn't need to speak a spell or an enchantment to use magic; his power is instinctual in nature. He is what is referred to as a warlock – a person _born_ with magic."

Arthur was taken aback. He had never heard of such a thing. "How is that possible?"

"I wish I could say. Merlin is … _unique_ … to say the least. I know of no one like him, his magic is not just something he commands, but it is a part of him, just as much as your arm is a part of your body."

"So, he's had it his whole life?"

"Yes."

"But, Gaius … he's not –"

"Evil?"

"No, he's not, not now anyway. But everyone else I have ever met with magic has been corrupted by it eventually. How can you say that one day he won't be as well?"

Gaius shook his head like he was trying to explain why the sky was blue to a child, "Magic itself is not evil, Arthur. While I will admit that it can be used for the wrong purposes, so too can any other tool in the wrong hands. Take your sword, for instance – by itself it cannot kill a man – it is just a hunk of steel without someone to wield it. So too is magic – it can be used for good or it can be used for evil, it depends solely on the intent of the person using it. Merlin has no such intent."

"Just how powerful is he?"

"Very. He's the strongest warlock I have ever seen and his magic is still growing. I wouldn't be surprised if one day he was powerful enough to raze whole cities with just a thought. "

At this Arthur swallowed hard, thinking of Camelot, but Gaius was quick to add, "But he never would – _never_. He only wants to use his magic for one thing and that is to protect _you_, Arthur. He believes in you and believes that you are destined to one day be a great king. And not only that – he doesn't just protect you out of loyalty, but because he cares about you. But you must not misunderstand me when I said that Merlin is magic, because that is not all that he is, he is also a human being, Arthur. And like you, he has hopes and fears and yes, he has made mistakes and can be a complete idiot at times, but he is always striving to be a better person and someone you might see as your greatest friend."

Arthur let Gaius' words sink in and he knew in his heart that everything that the older man had told him was the truth, that Merlin was quite possibly the greatest friend he could ever hope to have. He felt regret wash over him for the way he had avoided Merlin the last few days – Merlin would not have abandoned him like that, yet the prince had allowed his prejudices to get in the way of what truly mattered.

Needing to know more, Arthur pressed Gaius for answers for what might have been hours given how far the sun had sunk, but by the time they were finished, Arthur had learned more in that short space of time about magic than he had in his whole life. At the same time, Gaius told him more about Merlin – the Merlin he hadn't known – the magical Merlin who had saved his life and Camelot more times than he was ever aware. By the end Arthur was almost dizzy, he was so full of information.

After excusing himself from Gaius, Arthur once again climbed the stairs to his servant's room, finding Merlin in much the same position as he had been the last time he had seen him and he felt his heart sink at the sight. Everything about this was so messed up. He had just found out who Merlin really was, but he was still out of reach and never before had Arthur desired so much to just hear his servant's voice. He'd take Merlin's prattle over this maddening silence and vacant stare anytime.

Arthur grabbed the chair sitting beside the bed and sank down heavily into it. He was exhausted, but the prince had finally made a decision – he knew what he was going to do with his magical manservant.

"You need to wake up soon, Merlin. You're extremely behind on all of your chores - my room is an absolute mess, my armor is dull, and don't even get me stated on the state of the stables …"

**OoOoOoO**

Gaius woke to the sound of a rooster crowing outside the window. He lifted his head from the open book that he had apparently fallen asleep on top of and wiped a hand over his face. After his discussion with Arthur the previous night, he had returned to his research, but his results had been much the same: nothing. There just wasn't anything in all of his books that could help Merlin and Gaius was beginning to lose hope that he would ever get him back.

Joints popping and muscles aching, Gaius pushed himself to his feet with a grunt, feeling very old. He then made his way up the stairs towards Merlin's room to check on his ward. As he walked into the room, he felt a brief, sad smile grace his face seeing the prince slumped in the chair next to the bed, fast asleep. Arthur had had so many questions the other night, and it seemed like they would never end, but by the end of their talk, Gaius saw the prince's heart change before his eyes. He went from suspicious and frightened of Merlin's magic, questioning his friendship with the boy, to acceptance with a new appreciation for his servant. Gaius had to admit that he was proud of Arthur – he had underestimated the lad in thinking that his mind would be as closed to magic as his father's, but once again, Arthur had proven that he was not his father and was a man who could make up his own mind about the world.

But looking at him now, Gaius could only wince in sympathy. The poor boy was going to give himself a massively sore neck in that position. Placing a hand on the prince's shoulder, he shook him gently.

Gaius almost laughed when Arthur snorted awake and looked about him dazedly. It took him a moment to get his bearings, but as his eyes settled on Merlin, he saw the prince wake fully. "Sorry, Gaius. I didn't mean to fall asleep here."

"That's quite alright, sire." Gaius assured him, walking over to Merlin and checking him over, finding his eyes had closed at some point, which was a relief to the older man – the boy's empty eyes were something Gaius didn't think he could ever get used to.

Arthur stretched and yawned, "How is he?" he asked.

"Much the same, I'm afraid." Gaius stated after rubbing Merlin's sternum and getting no reaction, just as always.

Arthur shook his head and sighed, "If only there was a way to get inside his head and find out what was going on in there." He chuckled grimly and without humor, and reached over to pat his servant's shoulder, "I'm betting it would be a very strange place indeed, now wouldn't it, _Mer_lin?"

Gaius' back straightened as the prince's words struck him and several thoughts raced through his mind at once. His eyes drifting off into space, Gaius weighed the possibilities and calculated the risks of the idea forming in his brain. It would be very tricky … but it could work … he would need Arthur's help, but would he agree?

"Gaius? … GAIUS!"

Arthur's loud voice snapped the physician out of his thoughts and he turned to the prince, hope lighting up his face. "I have an idea, Sire. But, you're probably not going to like it."

_**To Be Continued ...**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: Hello again! Thanks so much if you are still following along and I hope you are enjoying it so far. I also want to thank everyone that has reviewed, it makes writing this feel like it was worthwhile. **_

_**This chapter is a little weird as Arthur takes a little trip to find Merlin, but I hope it's not too confusing. Let me know what you think! :)**_

**Chapter 5**

Gaius was right. He didn't like this idea at all.

It was crazy, even by all of the standards of crazy he had encountered before. Did he really think Arthur was capable of doing this? However, Arthur was willing to try anything at this point, so long as it meant that Merlin would be Merlin once again.

Arthur tried to follow along as the older man talked out his plan, yet it was all going over his head. Was Gaius seriously suggesting that he could somehow get inside Merlin's mind?

Gaius tried explaining again, pointing to a passage in one of his books. "Basically, sire. After drinking the potion you would be entering a dreamscape, also known as lucid dreaming. But unlike a normal dream state, you can control your environment, go where you want, and do what you want."

"How is that supposed to get me inside Merlin?" On far too many levels, that sounded so wrong.

"According to the old religion, it is believed that when we dream, the spirit is capable of leaving the body. It's what is know as astral projection. However, when asleep, the conscious mind is so involved with dreaming, the spirit remains within the confines of the body. That's where the lucid dreaming comes into play. You will essentially be asleep and dreaming, but you can direct your consciousness out of your body and send it directly into Merlin's because you will be in control at all times. From there, you need to find Merlin's consciousness and try to draw him out."

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose, "How will I know how to 'direct' myself to him? Assuming that is, that I can even do this projection thing."

"I will be here to guide you the whole time and my voice will serve as an anchor for you."

"But Gaius …" Arthur began hesitantly, "How can we even be sure that he's still in there?"

"We cannot know for certain, but Merlin's body functioning as it should – his magic has healed his injuries, possibly without him even being aware of it. And since there is nothing physical that can account for his current state, I can only theorize that he has driven his spirit so deep within his mind that he cannot, or will not, wake up. That's why only you can do this, Arthur. You are the one person in the world that he trusts the most and your words hold the most importance to him. If anyone can find him and bring him out again, it is you."

"But it's magic, Gaius. Accepting that Merlin has it is one thing, but using it …?" Arthur was still extremely wary of the magic involved, feeling as though he was crossing a line. But if he was honest with himself, he would admit that he was simply scared – magic still held a lot of unknowns for him, but really, he was mostly afraid of failure and that Merlin was too far gone to be found.

"Sire … I assure you that there is actually very little magic involved. Only a small enchantment will be placed onto the potion you will drink in order to help aid you in reaching a lucid dream state. The rest is all in your mind."

Arthur looked down at his boots and ran a hand through his hair.

Gaius seemed to sense his fear and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, "I understand that this is asking an awful lot of you, sire and it goes against all that you have known your entire life. But the choice to do this is yours and yours alone. I will not think any less of you should you decide to not go forward with it."

Arthur's eyes connected with Gaius'. He looked so hopeful and Arthur knew that this was their only chance at retrieving Merlin from wherever it was he was hiding. It may be Arthur's choice, but really, he didn't have one at all – he wasn't going to let Gaius or Merlin down again.

**OoOoOoO**

"Are you comfortable, Sire?" Gaius asked.

"Sort of," he admitted, "it's a little hard, but I'll survive." They had brought Merlin down to Gaius' bed and Arthur was laid out on the patient cot next to him, trying to keep his nerves in check.

"Good," Gaius patted Arthur's shoulder reassuringly, before handing him the potion he had prepared. "This should make you sleepy rather quickly, so drink it all in one go."

Arthur hesitated before attempting to drink the potion, "How will you know that it is working?"

"I shall be watching you closely. When I see your eyes moving rapidly under their lids, then I will know that you have reached a dream state. I will then begin speaking and directing you towards Merlin. Just remember to listen for my voice and follow what I say."

Arthur nodded then took a deep breath. Shoring up his resolve, he brought the potion to his lips and upended the bottle, drinking the liquid down in one gulp. It tasted viler than anything he had every put in his mouth before and that was saying something given the number of times he had had to swallow one of Gaius' concoctions. He gagged, but forced himself not to spit it out as it settled nauseatingly in his stomach. Soon however, he felt warmth spreading soothingly throughout his limbs, causing his fingers and toes to tingle in a strange yet relaxing and delightful way.

Almost immediately, Arthur felt his eyes grow heavy and quickly it was impossible to keep them open any longer. He allowed them to slip shut and was soon swallowed up in darkness.

The next thing he was aware of was a buzzing sound in his ears. It sounded distant and hollow, but as he listened closer, he began to recognize it. It was a voice, calling his name.

_Do you hear me, Arthur?_

_If you can, focus on my voice. _

He was confused at first, but then he remembered … he was supposed to follow the voice. He strained his hearing, allowing the voice to resonate louder and clearer in his mind.

_When you are ready, I want you to feel yourself letting go. Let your mind drift, floating upwards, and leaving all that is physical behind you. You can no longer feel your body; you are a mist floating above it, but you are always in control_. _You can do what you want here and you can go where you want, your body cannot limit you anymore._

Arthur tried to do as the voice commanded, but it was frightening; he felt as if he might float away. All was still dark and he began to panic a little at the odd sensation, but the voice was back, sending calming words his way.

_Relax, Arthur. You are going to be fine. Remember that you are in control. Try imagining yourself opening your eyes._

He opened his eyes and light flooded his vision, but it cleared quickly and what he saw caused him to gasp internally. He was floating above his body, looking down on himself, his body still, eyes closed in a deep sleep. Gaius was sitting next to him, whispering into his ear.

_Do you see yourself? Don't worry … this is meant to happen. You are still in control and you may move about as freely as you wish._

Arthur felt it then – his control. With a thought he was buzzing about the room. He could leave the castle, ride on the winds if he wanted and fly across the countryside. The sensation was incredible and exhilarating. He felt more alive than ever before, but the voice was speaking again, drawing him back, and reminding him that there was a purpose for all of this; he had a mission to complete and a friend to find.

_If you are free, Arthur, I want you to look at Merlin. See yourself floating above him. Focus on him – focus on your memories of him – who he is. Feel yourself reaching out towards him._

Arthur reached. He had no arm with which to do so, but he felt himself drawing closer to Merlin, hovering above him. His thoughts sharpened on his friend, remembering the first time they met, his goofy smile, and his incessant prattle.

_See yourself going forward.. See his thoughts and memories as you would your own._

Arthur floated over Merlin's face and moved down, reaching and extending himself. He felt his mind touch something and he was momentarily startled, feeling a presence within that was not his own. It was disconcerting to say the least, but he pressed forward. He felt like an invader and the presence recoiled at first, pressing against him, trying to force him out, but he was stronger and soon he was breaking through some kind of barrier.

And then there was darkness.

All was quiet.

He couldn't hear the voice anymore, but somehow he knew it wasn't far and all he had to do was focus on it and he would find it.

He couldn't recall when he had closed them, but his eyes opened and there was light again. Looking around, he found himself outside of a small house – a shack really with thin waddle and daub walls attached to a low, thatched roof. He didn't have a clue where he was, but the place felt only half-real ... was this a dream or something else? Had he made it?

On a chair beside the front door sat a dark-haired woman, mending a shirt, humming a soft tune to herself. She looked familiar, but he couldn't put a name to the face.

"Mummy! Mummy!"

Arthur turned at the sound of a little boy's voice and watched him run past Arthur as if he wasn't there and stop in front of his mother, beaming. The boy couldn't have been older than four or five years with a shaggy mop of black hair on his head and bright, blue eyes that gleamed with pride.

"What is it, Merlin?" She asked.

_"Merlin?!" _Arthur exclaimed, but neither of the other two heard it. It made sense, he realized as he tried looking for his hands and couldn't see them. He was like a ghost; present yet not at the same time.

And the woman … Arthur recognized her now even though she appeared somewhat younger than he recalled. She was Hunith - Merlin's mother. It must be a memory, he thought to himself. He was supposed to be able to control dreams, but here he was just an observer and his presence was completely ignored.

"Mummy … look what I can do!" He exclaimed, holding out his hand. In his palm were three rocks, all roughly the same size. Arthur wondered what he was going to do with them until he saw the flash of gold in little Merlin's eyes. The rocks lifted themselves from his palm and floated in the air for a moment until one by one they began to juggle themselves.

At first, Hunith sat amused at her little boy's antics, but then her face fell and her eyes darted about warily. Quickly, she grabbed little Merlin's hands and the rocks fell to the ground.

"Merlin! Not out here. Someone could see." She hissed hastily, fear evident in her voice.

Little Merlin looked down at the fallen rocks, hanging his head, ashamed. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to show you my trick."

Hunith sighed sadly, "I know, dear. But I've told you before that it's not safe to do things like that outside where people can see. You and I might know that your magic is special and nothing to be afraid of, but a lot of other people are afraid of it. Besides, magic isn't meant to be used for tricks or for showing off."

"I know … I forgot." Little Merlin mumbled, shuffling his feet.

Hunith rubbed the top of his head, then pulled him in close for a hug, "It's alright, sweetie. Just try to be more careful, okay?"

Merlin nodded and then looked up, a tear glistening in his eye, "Mummy?"

"Yes?"

"If people are afraid of magic, does that mean that I'm scary? Like a monster? Are they afraid of me?"

Hunith's eyes softened and she swallowed. Arthur could almost feel her heart break for her son. "Oh no, no, no, Merlin. Don't ever think that. You are … different ... yes, but in a very special way. But you are not and never will never be a monster, believe me. Only bad people become monsters and you're not a bad person. You're too nice and kind and gentle … and when you grow up people are going to like you and be your friend because they'll see what a good man you are. "

"But no one will be my friend if they know I have magic, will they?"

Hunith hugged her son closer, "You don't know that, darling. Yes, there are people out there who fear things they don't understand and that's why we need to keep your magic a secret just between you and me. But one day you may meet a person you can trust your secret to and that person will be very lucky indeed, because they'll get to see just how wonderful and special you are."

looking up into his mother's eyes, little Merlin smiled as she kissed him on the top of his head, "Now ... why don't you go inside and wash up. Supper will be ready in a few minutes."

"Okay." Merlin ran for the house and just as the door closed, the scenery began to change. The house and Hunith shimmered from existence while trees grew all around him until he was surrounded by a forest. He heard laughter come from out of nowhere as to boys materialized, running after each other. One of the boys Arthur instantly recognized was Merlin.

He was much younger, perhaps about 13 or 14 and somehow, which Arthur never thought was possible, he looked even goofier and more awkward than his older self. The other boy looked vaguely familiar as well and was about the same age as Merlin. He was running for a tree, scaling it easily and settling himself on the lowest branch while Merlin followed close behind.

"C'mon, Merlin! Hurry up!" The boy in the tree urgently called, just loud enough for Merlin to hear. "I don't think she'll be here much longer."

Merlin reached the branch and sat next to his friend. Arthur thought about climbing the tree after them and in the next breath, he was there, sitting beside Merlin.

"I dunno, Will. What if she sees us? If her father finds out, he'll skin us alive!" Merlin protest, a little scared, but excited too.

"Well then, at least we'll die happy men, right?"

"I think I'd rather live to _be_ a man, don't you?"

"Don't be such a girl, Merlin!" Will huffed quietly.

Arthur chuckled, "That's what I'm always telling him." He explained to the other boy, but of course, he wasn't heard.

"We just need to climb a bit higher and then we'll be able to see the river." Will claimed. "She was swimming near here before I ran to get you. And I'm telling you the truth – she was naked as a jaybird. It was a glorious sight."

Will began to climb again and Merlin muttered to himself, "Oh Julia, I certainly hope the sight of your breasts are worth my eventual death at your father's hands."

And then he was climbing too and Arthur understood his excitement and curiosity. Having been that age before, he clearly remembered sneaking peeks at girls as they swam or bathed in places they thought were private.

"I can almost see her!" Will called down from a branch a few feet higher than Merlin. Will reached for another branch and began to pull himself higher when an ominous cracking noise echoed through the trees. In the next instant Will gave a yelp, his branch giving way underneath him.

He began to fall.

"Will!" Merlin shouted. His hand reached out, but he missed his catching his friend. Merlin's terrified eyes burned gold and for a moment it seemed as though time itself slowed down, but it was really only Will who had as Merlin's magic gently floated him down to the ground without a scratch.

Merlin scrabbled down the tree and jumped to his friend. Arthur was soon on the ground beside them, watching the scene unfold.

"You okay?" Merlin asked the shell-shocked boy.

Will's mouth opened and closed, his eyes wide. "You … you – You have magic?"

Merlin looked down as if ashamed.

"I'm so sorry, Will. Please … don't hate me."

Will laughed then punched Merlin in the shoulder affectionately, "Hate you? Gods, Merlin! You just saved my bloody life."

Merlin looked up, bewildered. "You mean you - you're not scare of me?"

"Of course not, you twat! That was amazing!" Will exclaimed. "I just wish you'd have told me sooner. I just about had a heart attack falling from that tree."

"You won't tell anyone, will you?"

"Don't be stupid." Will assured him. His face then turned serious and honest, "I'll keep this secret till my dying day, Merlin. You have my word."

At this, Merlin grinned and Will playfully ruffled his friend's hair. Arthur was struck by how easily Will had accepted his friend's magic as if it was the greatest thing in the world. But he was humbled at the same time – his own reaction to finding out the same hadn't gone so well.

Arthur was all at once accosted by a memory of his own. He had gone with Merlin to his home village to defend it from bandits and Will had claimed to be the sorcerer that had aided them, but it must have been Merlin all along who had saved everyone. Will had died that day protecting Merlin and had kept his promise. He truly had been a great friend to Merlin and he put Arthur to shame in that category – he was the kind of friend that Arthur realized that he needed to strive to be.

Will and Merlin laughed at each other until the moment a shriek echoed through the woods. The naked girl from the river must have heard the commotion and spotted them for she started hurling insults their way, threatening to tell her father. Will and Merlin jumped up and started running as fast as their legs could carry them, grinning like fools.

Arthur made to follow them, but once again, he was momentarily disoriented as the environment shifted, the trees came in closer and bushes began sprouting up around him. There was a small brook to his side while two horses whinnied behind him. He turned and gulped, knowing exactly where he was the moment he saw his own horse and Merlin's standing side by side, tied to a tree.

Had all of this really only been a week ago? It felt like ages since that day - that horrible day.

Arthur heard a high-pitched laugh and spun only to see himself and Gwen dipping their toes into the cold water, playfully splashing each other. Beside him, he turned and saw Merlin, but he wasn't laughing or paying any attention to his other self and Gwen, instead his eyes were focused on a bush across the stream from him. Arthur focused his sight on where Merlin was staring and saw something what he had missed that day; three men sitting in the cover of the leaves, readying for an attack.

Merlin knelt by the stream, appearing to draw water into his water skin, but Arthur watched as he spoke a few words in language he didn't know and his eyes flashed gold. The men across the river were soon divested of their weapons as they floated above their head. Merlin spoke again and this time, the blades flew over their heads buried into the tree behind them. The men, afraid for their lives, began to run and that's when Merlin's memory of Arthur heard the commotion, and ran into the woods.

So there had been someone in the woods that time, but it hadn't been spying kids, but rather a group of armed men who would have attacked and possibly have killed them had Merlin not intervened. He had protected him and Gwen once again, but because he had used magic, he had kept it all to himself, never expecting any kind of thanks in return.

Arthur observed himself leaving Merlin and Gwen behind and then once again, the scene shifted. For some reason this memory felt disjointed and only half-formed, the woods surrounding them darker than he remembered and less distinct, like a backdrop that was blurred, but he was in the woods, across the stream, watching himself make fun of Merlin for getting caught in a thorn bush

Gwen and the other Arthur left, leaving Merlin stuck and trying to pull himself free from the thorn bush. He grumbled and then finally resorted to using magic to loosen the thorns from his sleeve. It was then that the man attacked, dropping from a branch and landing on top of Merlin. Struggling, Merlin attempted to fight back, but a knife and a hand clasped around his mouth, stilled him.

"Don't move or make a sound!" The bandit breathed into Merlin's face. Arthur could almost smell the man from where he was observing and he wanted to yell at Merlin to listen to the man when he began to squirm out of the man's grasp despite his warning. But it would have been useless – Merlin couldn't hear him - this was just a memory.

"I said … don't move or I'll slice yer neck open!" The man growled lowly, "Now … you're gonna listen to me, boy. I saw what you did to my friends back there and to that bush just now. That were magic, weren't it? And seein' as how we're in Camelot and the king 'ere don't look too kindly on sorcerers, how 'bout you go and fetch me the purse of that rich fella yer with ... or I'll tell 'im all 'bout yer magic myself."

Merlin shook his head and in the next moment, his eyes glowed a brilliant gold, tossing the larger man from him. The assailant jumped to his feet and tackled Merlin back into the bush. He probably could have won the fight thanks to his magic if Arthur's other self hadn't stumbled through bushes at that moment.

"No, Arthur!" Merlin shouted, turning his head away from his dangerous opponent. Then things happened just as Arthur remembered them, his attacker taking advantage of the situation.

Arthur closed his eyes – he didn't want to watch the rest of this, but he couldn't close his ears from the noise of metal tearing into flesh. He wanted it all to end already. He had lived through this once, why did he had to go through it again? But he didn't know how to leave, how to get out and do what he had come here to do. He was supposed to find Merlin, but instead he was trapped, unable to escape Merlin's worst memory.

"NO!" Merlin screamed, his voice reverberating directly into his brain. Arthur's eyes snapped open and he was forced to watch again as the knife flying towards his other self disintegrated and the bandit was thrown into the air.

And he watched again as Merlin fell to his knees, mortally wounded, begging forgiveness from the other Arthur whose eyes shown bright at Merlin with nothing but hate and contempt.

Was that how Merlin has last seen him that day? Had his last sight been that of Arthur looking at him with such disgust and fear? What had he done?

Arthur wanted to shout at the other Arthur, and give him the berating he so richly deserved, so he did. "You stupid fool! He just saved your life!"

His yelling was all for naught though. The other Arthur was oblivious to him and in the next moment everything went dark.

**OoOoOo**

Arthur found himself floating again and somewhat relieved to be out of the memory. Although, at the same time afraid because he didn't know where he was. He couldn't see anything and it was impossible to orientate himself, unsure which way was up or down. Feeling so alone and terrified, Arthur began to panic, desperate for a way out, but the darkness was all-pervasive and suffocating.

Then he remembered the voice. The voice would know what to do. He concentrated, trying to calm himself and focus.

Finally he heard it.

_Keep looking, Arthur ... Find Merlin._

Right … he was supposed to find Merlin. He had been so caught up in the boy's memories that he had forgotten his main objective. With a new resolve, Arthur pressed forward into the darkness, searching, extending himself through the murkiness until he felt, rather than saw, a ray of light.

Arthur didn't know what it was, but he was inexplicably drawn to the light, and much like a moth, he flew towards it. It was warm, soft and the feeling he got from it was one of gentleness and kindness. Yet at the same time, it radiated sadness and despair along with a deep loneliness that he had never experienced before. But he wasn't afraid – if anything, he felt safe. He could go into it and nothing would harm him, of that he was certain. He pressed ahead, allowing the light to surround him and pull him in further.

The darkness that he had been lost in gave way to a pure, brilliant white. It so bright that it was almost painful. And then it began to recede and Arthur could see again.

This time he was standing on the shores of a misty lake. The sun was sinking towards the horizon, shining and sparkling along the quiet ripples of the water. He looked down and saw that he was solid here and he could see his body, his clothes the same as those that he wore before he fell asleep. This place felt different than the memories he had seen and Arthur, though he couldn't explain why, realized that this was it - this as where he had to be .

Looking up again, he saw a figure up ahead in the lake, up to his waist in the water. His back was turned to Arthur, dark hair highlighted almost crimson in the setting sun as he continued forward, sinking deeper. The water was almost to his chest as Arthur's heart began to beat faster and fear gripped him.

"Merlin!"

**_To Be Continued ..._**


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N.: Hey guys! Sorry to keep you waiting longer than I intended. I was editing this chapter when I realized how much was missing from it and I nearly had to re-write the whole darn thing. This chapter is quite long, but it is the final chapter of this story and contains a scene between Merlin and Arthur that got me writing this whole thing in the first place, so I hope you like it. **

**Also, to all of you lovely reviewers out there, I just want to thank you all for hanging in there till the end. I know I was terrible at personally replying to everyone, but I promise I will write you all back now that I have this whole thing posted. **

**Anyhoo ... on to the finale:**

**Chapter 6**

Merlin sighed. It was the perfect place.

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there, his bare feet touching the water and lapping around his toes, but he just couldn't find it within himself to care. It was safe here … and quiet. That's probably what he loved the most about it. He could come here and think without anyone bothering him. There was nothing there that could hurt him – no fear, no hatred, no destinies, no princes, no magic - only peace.

The young warlock wasn't sure how he had ended up there, but he was certain he knew why. One moment he had been watching himself bleed to death, feeling nothing much pain and darkness creeping in and the next, he was there, sitting at the shore of his favorite place to come when he needed time to think. Nothing hurt anymore - at least not physically. His wounds had disappeared, and even though the pain of knowing that Arthur hated him for having magic had never left him, he was sure that his sudden recovery could only mean one thing: he was dead.

The fact that he was deceased really didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. Yes, his life had been short, but for the most part, it had been good. Since he was a little boy, he had always strived to be the kind of man his mother wanted him to grow up to be; kind, generous and faithful. And he always tried to be a good friend as well, doing his utmost to shield and protect his friends, first with Will and then with Arthur.

Even for all his trying though, Merlin had made so many mistakes. His friendships had only resulted in heartbreak - Will had died protecting him and his last moments with Arthur had ended with the prince hating him. Maybe that was why being dead wasn't such a bad thing. Perhaps this was his punishment for failing them or for ever thinking he was worthy of being their friend. He had let them both down and it only seemed fitting that he should die for his mistakes and shortcomings.

His thoughts drifted to Arthur again and he was filled with remorse. He never got the chance to tell Arthur about his magic as he had always wanted to when he felt the time was right - fate had stolen that moment from him and now he would never be able to explain anything to his former friend. But had he really been the kind of friend to Arthur that he should have been? Was it really all that surprising that Arthur had held such deep anger and loathing in his eyes towards Merlin? Whereas a real friend would have been honest, Merlin had instead lied to Arthur and hadn't trusted him enough to be include him with his secret. In hindsight, he should have, but he had been such a coward, worried that if had come to Arthur sooner and told him everything, that the prince still would have rejected him. But what if he hadn't? What if Arthur had grown to be a much better man than Merlin gave him credit for and had only shown such malice towards Merlin at the very end because he had kept such a secret from him.

He tried to put himself in Arthur's shoes and see things from his perspective. If their places had been reversed and he had been the one that had been lied to for years - he too would have been angry and hurt.

But did any of that matter anymore? Hi life was over and the mistakes he had made could never be taken back. All he could do now was let go, leave his life behind, and embrace what was to come in his afterlife.

And that was why he was grateful that he had ended up here after his death - it was here that he let Freya go, so it only seemed fitting that here would be the place where he would let everything else go as well. And it was getting close to the time for him to go.

Merlin watched as the sun sank lower, almost touching the horizon. It really was a beautiful sight as the bright red ball of light, made the mist around the island in the center of the lake appear to be glowing – it was almost like magic. He probably should have gone sooner, but he had wanted to see the sunset this one last time and now that nature had granted him this final wish, he knew the time had come.

Sucking in a deep breath of the misty air and closing his eyes, Merlin imagined what awaited him. Gaius had told him about Avalon and he had seen a glimpse of it once. It had been beautiful beyond words, but he had doubts that he was worthy of such a place after death. Either way, he had to go somewhere after this whether it be Avalon or not, he just wasn't exactly sure how he was supposed to get there.

He opened his eyes and stood, looking out at the lake. The mists surrounding the island in the middle of the water had parted slightly and he could make out the tops of trees and its silvery shore. All it once, he knew that he was supposed to go there, whether it was the way to Avalon or not.

Merlin frowned. How was he supposed to get there? He had no boat or other means to transport him to the island.

Maybe he could swim to it?

Merlin wasn't what anyone would call a decent swimmer - his skills in the water mostly focused on staying afloat and not drowning. The island seemed impossibly far from the shore and he had never tried to swim that far before. He would never make it.

But then again, he reasoned, if he got a cramp in the middle of the lake and drowned what would it matter? He was already dead, wasn't he?

Making the decision to quit thinking so much and just go for it already, he took a step forward and let the water come up to his ankles. It was cool, but not cold - refreshing would have been a good word for it and he let a smile slip onto his face. He took of his jacket and tossed it behind him and then started to strip off the rest of his clothes.

He then stopped before he could pull off his shirt. He wasn't sure he should disrobe completely, after all, he didn't want to be the one person to show up to the afterlife naked. Though it would make swimming harder, Merlin decided to keep his shirt and trousers on and then took another step deeper into the water. He faced the island, setting his gaze on his destination and soon he was up to his waist.

"Merlin!"

He thought he heard a voice, but it must have just been his imagination; he was the only one here. He kept going.

He was almost up to his neck and ready to start swimming when, "MERLIN! STOP!" echoed loudly across the water.

He wasn't sure he could believe what he was hearing, but he did stop and turned around just to make sure he wasn't going crazy. What he saw left his mouth hanging open.

Arthur? What the bloody hell was he doing here?

"Merlin, you idiot! Come back here right now!" The prince shouted.

Merlin swished around in the water, looking from side to side, more than little confused. Where had Arthur come from?

Bewildered, he said the first this that popped into his head. "What?"

Arthur cupped his hand around his mouth and yelled, enunciating his words slowly as if Merlin were a deaf simpleton, "I said, come here! Get out of that damned water before you drown."

Irritated and suddenly furious that an apparition of Arthur would show up in his afterlife just to order him around, Merlin trudged closer to the shore so the prince (who couldn't possibly be real) could hear him clearly, but he refused to leave the water. "Why should I? You're not supposed to be here! This is _my_ afterlife" Merlin emphasized by slapping his chest. He pointed at Arthur, "You need to go!"

Arthur threw his hands into the air, "Afterlife? What on earth are you talking about? You're not dead – you're … stuck here, that's all. Your body is alive, but it won't be for much longer if you keep hiding out here. So, just come out of the water and talk to me, will you? It's hard shouting at you like this."

Merlin snorted, he couldn't believe the cheek of this not-Arthur. Why would an image of the prince come now of all times? Was this all some sort of trick to hold him back from moving on?

It didn't make any sense and it only made Merlin angrier at the fake-prince standing before him. "I _am_ dead, Arthur – not that you care. Even if what you say it true and my body is still alive, what does it matter? I'll just be killed for having magic anyway and you know what? I think I'd much rather die here than be burned alive out there. So I'll save you the trouble - you won't have to worry your fat head about me or my _evil_ magic anymore. I'll just stay here and you go away – problem solved." Merlin realized that it was ridiculous to even be addressing this false-Arthur, but on some level, it felt good to unleash some of the things he had always wanted to say to Arthur when he had been alive. He had always been too afraid to confront Arthur about his magic, but now that he was dead, it didn't really matter.

Arthur took a step back and to Merlin's surprise, the prince looked contrite and inexplicably sad. Arthur raised his hands, palms facing out in a placating gesture, "Merlin … I'm sorry … I'm sorry that I ever made you feel that way, but it's not true. I don't want that. Why would I come all the way here to bring you back if I was just going to kill you?"

"Right … You can't fool me." Merlin interjected, cutting off the fake prince, his voice straining over the lump forming in his throat. "You're not even Arthur. The _real_ Arthur I know wouldn't do that for me. He hates me – I saw it in his eyes."

Not-Arthur, dropped his hands and his eyes, looking ashamed, "I know …" He admitted quietly before looking up again and meeting Merlin's eyes with renewed resolve. Seeing a raw sincerity there that had had never seen on Arthur' face before, Merlin felt a little taken aback by the prince's open expression of emotion.

"But I was wrong, Merlin." Arthur went on, his eyes pleading for him to listen. "I was angry and scared and didn't know what to do – I just didn't understand it all and it frightened me. But I've learned so much since then – things about you and magic that I should have realized before, but was too closed-minded to comprehend. Don't you see, Merlin? I am the _real_ Arthur, and this is me, trying to apologize to you."

"Apologize?" Merlin scoffed then threw his head back and laughed at the absurdity, "Now I know you can't be real."

"Oh … that's it!" Arthur sighed and looked to the sky in exasperation. It was an act so very Arthur, that Merlin almost believed it was really him. And then the prince was striding towards him, wearing the annoyed face that the servant had come to know so well – it was some same face he wore when he called Merlin and idiot because he tripped over his own feet or said something he thought was stupid. "I'm going to prove to you once and for all that I'm real!"

Arthur walked straight into the water with a determined purpose until he was face to face with Merlin. He then tightly grabbed an ear and started hauling the surprised servant back towards the shore. "You feel that, _Mer_lin? Is this real enough for you?" Arthur exclaimed.

"Ow … you prat! That hurts. Stop it! Ow!" Merlin protested all the way, his ear throbbing as Arthur tugged, not letting up on the pressure until the two of them were firmly on dry land. The prince pushed him into the grass and loomed over him, dripping wet and looking none too pleased.

Merlin rubbed his ear and glared, "What the hell was that for?"

"I had to get you out of the water and make you see that I'm the real Arthur and not just some figment of your imagination," Arthur growled,. "Now … you need to listen to me and quit being such a stubborn idiot. You are not dead nor is this your afterlife, Merlin. This is all just a dream that your mind has conjured for some reason."

Things began to click in Merlin's head, Arthur had certainly felt real enough and the way he was looking at him now was certainly very Arthur-like. Maybe he was telling the truth. What if this all was just a dream? Then again, that still left one very glaring and burning question that needed to be asked, "If that's true, how are you here? And what are you doing in my dream?"

Arthur began to pace back and forth as he explained, "I took some sort of potion that Gaius made so I could get inside this stupid, thick skull of yours and drag your ass back home. Right now as we speak, it's been more than a week since you … well … died … sort of ..."

"Sort of?" Merlin hadn't thought he could get more confused. Apparently, he had been wrong. "I thought you said I wasn't dead."

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose, "Well ... you were dead, but only for a few minutes. Somehow your magic brought you back and healed you. Yet, you still haven't really woken up. Instead you just lay there with all the personality of a turnip. But now I come to find out that it's all just because you've been hiding out here this whole time. Well … I'm sick of it, Merlin. I can't stand to see you that way anymore. I want you to come back."

Arthur stopped and looked down at his servant and Merlin looked up, their eyes connecting, "You don't really mean that." Merlin breathed.

"Of course I do."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why'?"

"Why would you want me to come back? I. Have. Magic." Merlin emphasized. "I always have. You don't really know what I am. Hell … half of the time,_ I_ don't even know what I am."

Sighing, the prince sat down in the grass next to Merlin, his shoulder nearly touching his, "I know what you are, Merlin," he stated assuredly, looking out across the water. "You're not just a sorcerer … warlock … or whatever you call it. I know what you've done for me … for Camelot … and the only conclusion I can draw from all of that is that you're a good man … and an even better friend. You're the kind of friend I should have been to you all along. Besides ... it's not what you are that's important ... it's who you are. You are my friend and that's all that matters."

Merlin was silent. He didn't know what to say. He looked down at his hands and saw them blur as tears filled his eyes. Arthur had never called him a friend before and it was almost surreal to hear it now.

Arthur kept speaking while Merlin tried to process what he was hearing, "I know I'm rubbish at friendship and hardly worthy, but I'd like the chance to try and make it up to you and prove that I can change. So …" Arthur turned his face from the water to look at his friend, "Will you come back?"

Merlin just couldn't look at Arthur in the eyes and found a blade of grass to stare at instead. "I don't know … I've hidden all my life …kept secrets, told lies … will you still trust me?"

"With my life." Arthur admitted freely, "And I hope you would trust me with yours. You have my oath as Prince of Camelot that I will protect your secret will my life. This I swear to you."

Merlin shook his head, "I can't let you do that. Your father would kill you if he found out and if you were keeping my secret. You would be just as guilty of treason as I am."

Arthur plainly disagreed. "Perhaps I would be disobeying the law, but sometimes it's right to disobey when the law is wrong. In that case, it would be a far worse treason to my own morals if I betrayed a friend over the law."

Merlin looked at Arthur with his mouth open. Over the years since he had become the prince's manservant he had seen what honor meant to Arthur. He didn't give oaths lightly and always kept them. It was the knight's code and the prince would never go back on his word. To have Arthur swear that kind of loyalty to him - a low-born servant - was a rare thing indeed. Merlin didn't doubt Arthur's conviction and he felt a warm, tingly sensation spread across his chest like a great weight had just been lifted from it.

For many moments, the young warlock had no idea how to respond. But feeling that the mood had become to serious, Merlin felt a wry grin spread across his face and he just couldn't help himself from beaming, "Wow … just … I don't know what to say. That was probably the most … _intelligent_ thing I've ever heard you say and really quite deep, you know … for a dollop-head."

"Hey!" Arthur bumped Merlin with his shoulder and then rubbed the top of his hair while laughing, "Idiot."

Merlin pushed him back, feeling lighter than he had in ages, "Prat."

Arthur looked more relieved than Merlin could ever recall, "Does this mean you're coming back?"

"I guess so …" He responded, ""I just have one question though."

"What's that?"

"How do we get out of here?"

Arthur's expression grew grim, "Oh … I guess I should have had Gaius explain that part to me."

"You mean you don't know?" Merlin stared at Arthur incredulously. "Don't get me wrong. It's great that you came to get me and all, but I'm not sure I want you stuck in my head forever."

"Your mind hasn't exactly been a holiday for me either, you know." Defensively, the prince said, "I guess I just assumed that the potion I took would wear off eventually and I'd wake up in my body again."

"Sure, that might work for you, but how am I supposed to wake up?"

Merlin nearly fell over laughing at Arthur's fish-out-of-water face as he tried to come up with a good idea. That is until the prince reached over and squeezed an inch skin on his arm between his fingers.

"Ow!" Merlin exclaimed, rubbing his sore arm. "How is pinching me in my dream supposed to get me out of my dream, you nit?"

Arthur shrugged, trying to suppress a grin,"I don't know, but it was worth a shot."

Merlin glared, but as he did so, the prince began to yawn deeply and his eyes drooped like he was about to fall asleep were he sat.

"Arthur? You alright?"

He nodded blearily and swayed a little, "Just really tired all of the sudden."

Merlin's mind began to turn as a thought struck him, "The potion must be wearing off. Maybe you're falling asleep because you're waking up. What if in this dream things work the opposite of what they do when we're awake?"

Arthur rubbed his eyes, fighting to keep them open and losing, "S'nonsense." He slurred.

"It might be, but then again, maybe if I go to sleep here in the dream, I'll wake up too."

Arthur shrugged, his eyes slipping closed, "M'be. Try it."

Merlin was only just able to catch Arthur as he started to fall back into the grass. The prince pried his eyes open and grabbed Merlin's shirt, "Jus c'back, 'kay?"

"I will. I promise."

Arthur nodded and with a slight smile on his face, his eyes shut and his breathing evened out into a deep sleep. In the next moment, Merlin watched as his friend began to fade and then ultimately disappeared.

At first, Merlin panicked a little. Was this what was supposed to happen? Did Arthur make it back okay? He just didn't know and he wouldn't find out unless he could wake up himself.

"Here goes nothing." He muttered to himself as he lay back on the soft grass, trying to relax enough to make himself fall asleep. His thoughts kept drifting to Arthur, however, and it was difficult to find the peace he needed to sleep. Had he really forgiven him? Did he really want Merlin back? He seemed sincere and by the end, he had been sure that it was actually Arthur speaking to him and not just a figment of this dream, so what was he afraid of?

Merlin closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing.

Maybe he was afraid of how things would change. Would they be for the better or for the worse? He wished he knew, it would make things easier. But maybe he didn't want to know. Maybe he would just have to accept that he needed to face the unknown without fear, that he could trust Arthur and his words of friendship. He hadn't really trusted Arthur before and that had been his greatest mistake, so maybe he needed to trust him now. This was his second chance - his destiny wasn't over yet and there was something good to back for.

He had to believe that he would see Arthur make it to the throne and maybe then, there would be hope for magic's return.

The wind gently swept Merlin's hair and the only sound he could hear was that of the gentle lapping of water against the muddy shore of the lake. He felt his limbs grow heavy, his mind began to drift off, and just before he slipped into the unknown, he had just one last thought about how beautiful a dream it really would be to go home again.

**OoOoOoO**

"Arthur? Arthur can you hear me?"

He groaned, and shifted. He wanted to fling his pillow over his head and just go back to the peaceful nap had been enjoying, but a hand was shaking his shoulder, insistent that he wake up.

"N'ah …" He mumbled, rolling onto his side.

"Arthur, you need get up. I must examine you."

Arthur rolled onto his back again and forced his eyelids open. As his vision cleared, Gaius' face came into view, hovering above him worriedly. "How are you feeling, sire?"

Brain fuzzy and thoughts muddy, Arthur tried to remember why he was lying on a hard bed and why Gaius was tending to him. He pressed a hand against his eyes and as he did, the memories came back in full force.

"Merlin!" He sat up, shooting forward like a bolt from a crossbow.

Gaius placed his hands on the prince's shoulders, "Easy, sire."

Arthur's eyes went directly to the bed beside him, "Is he …?"

"He's much the same. I haven't seen any change." Gaius replied, looking just as disappointed as Arthur was feeling.

"But …" Arthur protested, "I talked to him. It worked, Gaius! He was coming back. He promised."

The physician nodded hopefully, "Perhaps it will just take time for him to come around. After all, he's been in this state for quite some time."

Arthur hoped that was the case, but he was still anxious for Merlin to open his lazy eyes and for him and show him that his friend truly had returned. The idiot had promised and if he didn't wake up soon, he would just go back into his servant's head and kick him into next week.

Slipping off from the bed, Arthur went to Merlin's bedside, nearly stumbling as a wave of dizziness swept over him. Gaius was instantly by his side, grabbing his arms and offering a chair for him to sit on. "Take it slowly, Sire. The effects of the potion will most likely linger for some time."

"Thanks, Gaius." He replied weakly, keeping a close watch for any sign of life on Merlin's face. He sank into the chair, still incredibly tired and sleepy, but Arthur fought off his fatigue. He couldn't allow himself to fall back to sleep – not yet, not until he was sure Merlin would wake up.

Arthur's eyes drooped and his head dipped, but every time he caught himself starting to drift off, he snapped his head back up. He even tried slapping himself in the face a few times, hoping it would keep him alert. His head bobbing went on for some time until there was knock at the door.

"Come in." Gaius called and in walked Gwen, holding a plate full of food.

"Gaius, I thought you might like something to eat –" she stopped short, seeing Arthur beside Merlin and she stammered, "Arthur … I - I didn't expect you to be here."

All of the prince's fatigue was forgotten the moment he saw her. The last time he had seen her, she left in tears and it had been his entire fault. He had been a stubborn fool and he didn't know the right words to fix things between them. He never wanted to hurt her, but he had none the less and he needed some way to make it up to her.

Gaius seemed to sense that the two needed a moment to themselves and he excused himself, saying that he needed to fetch more firewood before night fell.

After setting the plate onto the table, Gwen stood awkwardly, playing with the hem of the servant's apron she wore, "I'm glad you came." She said softly.

"Me too." He replied, bowing his head. "I should have been here sooner."

"At least you're here now, that's what matters."

"All the same, I'm sorry, Guinevere. You were right; I was acting selfishly before." He looked up and met her eyes, finding forgiveness. She walked over to him and he took her hand, noting how they felt calloused yet soft at the same time. She was far stronger than she looked, but it was her compassion for others that made Arthur love her all the more.

"I knew you would come around." She said, squeezing his hand in return.

Arthur lost himself for a moment in the kind depths of her dark eyes. She smiled warmly and Arthur felt his face flush, extremities tingling.

"You two just need to kiss and get it over with already."

Arthur and Gwen spun as one and gaped at the source of the tired voice coming from the bed.

To her credit, Gwen recovered first and dashed to the bed, taking Merlin's hand. "Merlin! You're awake."

"Apparently." He muttered with a yawn, grinning at Gwen, "You two are loud enough to wake the dead."

Arthur shook his head, feeling nothing but relief, but doing his best not to show it. "That's not funny."

"Oh, c'mon … it's a little funny, and you know it." Merlin volleyed, his cheeky smile widening as he baited the prince.

Arthur never got the chance to send another barb back at his servant as Gwen swooped in and gave Merlin a tight hug. "I'm so glad you're okay. I've been so worried."

Wrapping an arm around Gwen, Merlin patted her back, "I'm okay, Gwen."

She stepped back, holding her friend at arm's length, appraising him with a big smile on her face. Arthur stepped in after that and smacked his servant on the shoulder. "Took you long enough."

"I'm sorry." Merlin apologized with mock sincerity, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to fall asleep inside a dream?"

Arthur snickered while Gwen looked at the two boys like they had lost their minds, "I've missed something important, haven't I?"

**Epilogue**

Crickets chirped merrily outside his window. It was as though they were telling Merlin how he should be asleep as Gaius had ordered instead of looking up at the ceiling, wide awake. But he simply couldn't sleep. His mind just wouldn't allow any more rest and soon he gave up even trying anymore. He shucked his blanket from his legs and wrapped it around his shoulders, swinging his legs from the bed and letting his bare feet touch the floor.

He was a little wobbly at first, which wasn't surprising given the fact that he had been lying in bed for more than a week, but he managed to find some kind of balance and made his way to the door.

Quietly, he crept down the stairs from his room and paused at the bottom, not wanting to wake Gaius. The older man looked to be blissfully asleep, so Merlin did what he normally did when he snuck out and used a bit of magic to tuck slumbering man deeper into his blanket. Merlin smiled softly as Gaius rolled over and resumed his reverberating snores. His mentor needed the rest; the past week seemed to have aged him considerably and thankfully, Gaius didn't so much as stir as Merlin snuck past him and slipped out the door.

Once Merlin had made it outside of the physician's chambers and down the stairs, he stopped and looked around. The entire castle seemed to be asleep and was eerily quiet. Normally, the halls were filled with bustling servants, proud knights or bored nobles, but at this hour, the corridors were blissfully silent and still. He took a step forward and ventured through halls, keeping his movements as soft as possible so as to not disturb the quiet.

He didn't really have any destination in mind except to find somewhere where he could see the stars and he soon found himself on the roof of the main keep, leaning his back against a parapet and looking up at the sky. He pulled the blanket around his shoulders a little tighter as a cool night breeze blew around him and stirred his hair. Keeping his eyes trained on the sky above, a grin lit up his face as he watched a shooting star blaze across the blackness. He did what his mother always said to do when that happened and made a wish – the same wish he always made: long life and happiness for everyone he cared about.

He sat there for some time enjoying the quiet until he heard footsteps approach. Thinking it might be a guard who would demand that he take a hike, (okay, so maybe technically, he wasn't supposed to be up there) he made to stand and leave before he was caught. Before he could make it to his feet though, a voice stopped him.

"No, no … don't get up on my account, _Mer_lin."

Merlin looked up, more than a little surprised to see Arthur strolling towards him, also in his bedclothes and wrapped in a thin blanket.

"What are you doing here?" Merlin asked.

"Could ask the same of you."

"Yes, but you could hardly keep your eyes open just a few hours ago. I figured you'd be asleep at least until mid-day. Goodness only knows how much you like to sleep in."

Arthur made a non-committal sound as he backed up against the parapet and slid down the wall to sit beside him. "I usually only sleep-in because a certain servant of mine is always late since he's been sleeping-in too."

Merlin chuckled a little and then his features fell, his gaze dropping to his hands. Was he even Arthur's servant anymore? The prince sensed his change in mood and asked, "What's the matter? You look like your dog just ran away."

Merlin swallowed hard and couldn't face his friend, "Things aren't ever going to be the same, are they?"

Arthur sighed and looked up at the stars twinkling down on them. He was silent for several moments before he replied, "I don't know … probably not. But just because some things change, doesn't mean everything will. For instance, even though I know now that you're a powerful sorcerer –"

"_Warlock_." Merlin corrected.

"Warlock, whatever …" Arthur conceded, "Point is, you're still an idiot – I don't see that being different anytime soon."

Snorting, Merlin rolled his eyes, "And you'll always be a royal pain in the ass, but that's beside the point." He jabbed back, feeling better as he and the prince exchanged barbs. It felt right and close to normal, giving Merlin hope that the things that did change, only changed for the better. He still couldn't help but worry about one thing though.

"I'm not sure I should stay here in Camelot," he confessed.

"What? " Arthur turned and stared at Merlin, his features making his displeasure at that statement plain to see, "Why? I gave you my word that I would protect you and your secret."

Merlin sighed, "I know, Arthur. That's what I'm worried about. I mean it when I say that I'm happy being your servant until the day I die, and I will always watch out for you and protect you … but if staying here as your manservant means you running the risk of getting caught for harboring a magic user … then I would much rather quit and get as far from here as possible."

Arthur's eyes narrowed into thin slits and his face turned so red that Merlin swore he could see steam coming from his ears, "That's the _stupidest_ thing I've ever heard you say and you've said some real doozies, you know that, Merlin? What do you think I am – a gossipy maid who can't keep anything to herself? Or maybe you think I'm a child and can't look after myself? Well … horseshit! If keeping your secret is a risk, then so be it. I'm a damned knight, for God's sake and I'm quite capable of choosing the risks I want to take." Arthur took a second to pause and catch his breath after his rant, then pressed on with a little less heat, "It's always your choice whether or not you decide to quit and run away, but that's the coward's way out and I know for a fact that you are no coward."

Suitably chastised, Merlin could come up with nothing to say for several moments, but then he grinned, half laughing at the prince, "So … you think I'm brave?"

Arthur's kept the scowl on this face, but there was a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. "I did _not_ say that. I merely said you weren't a coward."

"Oh Arthur …" Merlin laid his hands over his heart sarcastically, and beamed a wide, toothy smile. "I'm touched, really."

Arthur narrowed his eyes and folded his arms across his chest, glaring and completely faking annoyance, "Merlin?"

"Hmmm?" Merlin replied, acting innocently.

"Shut up." Arthur demanded and then playfully slapped the back of his friend's head.

Chuckling, Merlin stood up and offered a hand to Arthur. The prince clasped his hand into Merlin's and allowed him to help him to his feet. Once they were both standing and facing each other, Arthur threw Merlin a questioning look, "So … have you decided?"

Merlin nodded, "Yes I have."

"And …?"

"And I choose to go to bed." He smirked, turning and walking towards the stairs while addressing the prince over his shoulder, "After all, I have to get up early so I can wake you up, get your breakfast, shine your boots and your armor, sharpen your sword …"

"Don't forget about my cleaning out my stables..." Arthur added wryly, catching up to his servant,"or tidying my room ... doing my laundry ..." He joined Merlin and they walked side by side down the staircase together, their voices echoing and bouncing off the walls of the otherwise silent castle.

**THE END**


End file.
